Anger: The Companion to Loss
/Loss creates anger; that's normal. Not dealing with it is harmful. It will rob you of peace until you do the hard work to resolve it. We have been conditioned to believe feeling angry is WRONG, which then leads to guilt issues.
Years ago, a woman who had scheduled a private session kept telling me how mad she was at her deceased husband. I assumed the worst: he must have died in his lover's arms at casino hotel where he had squandered the entire family fortune just moments before his demise.
I was so nervous by the time of her appointment, all I could do was pray he'd offer some apology to her to try and make it right. As it turned out, he had heart attack at home. He was an honest and well-loved man. He simply died. His wife was SO PISSED, so mad at God for taking him away! So furious with her husband for abandoning her! She had been raging for months. I've gone on to meet many more angry widows and bereaved parents. The anger is a normal part of the grieving process.
Is it possible for an Iris to scream?
Even after loss, it is not too late to transform anger into healing. Last week at a group reading in Madison, Wis., I connected a young woman to her father, with whom she'd had a difficult relationship. She announced to everyone, "He was an asshole." Wow! Honesty everyone else is afraid to admit, but totally understands! The father went on to apologize and explain his life, "It was all about me. My focus was on myself and my own issues. My problems had nothing to do with my children. It was my fault. I heard my kids yelling at me." She validated that he was an only child, an addict, and when the siblings cleaned out his house, tempers erupted. Of his children, she was the only one who acknowledged him. She was able to see past his issues and understand and forgive his Soul. She told me after the reading, "Before coming today, I said I would want to hear from anyone but him." She got what she needed, and importantly, so did the man in Spirit.
Why do we hang on to our anger? Because anger gives us the illusion of regaining control. It's a big adrenaline rush. In truth, being angry makes us crash even lower than where we were before, in the depths of our sadness. Yet if you acknowledge and release the anger that results from the losses in your life, it loses its control over you, allowing peaceful days back into your life, as well as deeper understanding. Counseling, exercise, meeting with friends and freak out charts are all productive ways to cope with it. And if you are kind enough to help a bereaved child, like I was, please take care to guide them with love and patience to safer ground.
This too, shall pass.
Meditation to Transform Anger
Sit quietly, with your eyes closed, breathing easy, while visualizing your anger in a box. Send that box loving feelings of deep understanding. See it surrounded by a color representing love, such as pink or white light. See it getting smaller and smaller as you keep infusing it with love and understanding why it was created. See the box get reduced in size to that of a flower seed. Take this seed and plant it in the earth and watch it grow and bloom into something beautiful, fragile and positive. Affirm, "I can transform anger into growth."
When you feel the adrenaline build up, give yourself a time out to do this quick meditation.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.