One of the great conundrums that comes along with loss is defining the word, "heal." It can be either an adjective, describing an experience; a verb, an action taken to remedy pain; or a noun, signifying a gift of healing. As an experienced medium, I can tell you (with my sense of humor intact) that the bereaved can be a tough crowd to connect with and the words we choose are important. Can we ever really "heal" from loss? This is a particularly rough road for parents, but many people also feel this way upon the loss of their partner.
I've noticed the newly bereaved will sometimes say, (about a connection to Spirit) "It will help me get over my grief." It's interesting, but I will never use the words "get over" when referring to loss. You don't get over it, you learn to live under a new set of circumstances, that hopefully, honors the person you love. When speaking with someone who is 5-8 years further along, they will say, "It helps me on my journey through grief." After 20 years, those more experienced often speak to me about the ways they've been blessed in life and yet, they still acknowledge how dearly they miss their loved one. My beautiful, elderly, neighbor Katie used to speak to me about her son who passed and it was always like listening to someone who was counting their blessings instead of detailing their loss. She was a marvel of positivity. No one has ever said to me, "I've healed from the loss of my child." I've met amazing, remarkable and truly inspiring people who have taken the lessons delivered by their loss and created positive, love-filled, meaningful lives with them. But, are they "healed?" I'm not sure if I am brazen enough to say that, and I am no stranger to making bold claims!
I doubt anyone would use that word, in that way, because if they think deeply for a moment of the person they love, a twinge of pain caused the physical separation will always manifest. I can conjure up that twinge right now, if I think about my children, and they are only a few hours drive away at college, alive and well.
So, as we set about reconfiguring our lives after loss, perhaps it's best to know from the beginning that you are embarking on a brand-new journey that will finish with a beautiful reunion and complete healing in Spirit, at some point. What you choose to do between now and that reunion is really up to you. To journey on a healing path is one of amazing discovery, but it comes along with responsibility to actively engage yourself in new behavior when you feel you are at your lowest point. You will need to be your own best friend, and be ruthless in letting go of old relationships that don't support your new life. You will only be as happy as the company you keep, so you must align yourself with support from people who understand your loss that are beacons of light and hope. When you gain strength, you will be responsible to reflect the light you received to those newly on the path.
Healing is mostly a process, an ongoing journey of discovering yourself as a unique drop of energy in the vast ocean of interconnectedness. Truly, your pain is mine, and my joy is yours. Love can never be separate; we are all part of each other.
No matter where you are on the path, if you can feel anything, your heart is still working.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.