Living Into the Answers.
Over the last few weeks I've taken some time to reflect upon 2014 and what it brought to my life. While I experienced plenty of wonderful, easy and joyful moments, the year was heavily laden with personal growth for me. I'm trying to make that sound positive, because in every challenge there is always a helpful lesson, but to be honest, it was entirely difficult to navigate. If I could sum up what I learned from it all into a sentence, it would be, "I learned to live into the answers."
Over the last few weeks I've taken some time to reflect upon 2014 and what it brought to my life. While I experienced plenty of wonderful, easy and joyful moments, the year was heavily laden with personal growth for me. I'm trying to make that sound positive, because in every challenge there is always a helpful lesson, but to be honest, it was entirely difficult to navigate. If I could sum up what I learned from it all into a sentence, it would be, "I learned to live into the answers."
I've always been a goal-oriented person, and I love making lists of tasks I can neatly check off as "complete" on the way to achieving the results I desire. This has been my personality since birth. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a foreign exchange student, and my mother had to fill out a form describing why she thought the experience would be good for me. I remember she wrote that I was "tenacious." You know, persistent, not giving up and really good at completing whatever I started. In the midst of my 2014 fog, my 20-year-old daughter said to me, "Come on Mom, you are a survivor. You're scrappy. You can get through this."
I questioned her, "I'm scrappy?"
"Yes! You fight for what you want, you don't accept failure as an option and you always take care of the people around you. You are so loyal, you are a survivor. You came out of the fire wearing Prada shoes!"
I love this girl; her sense of humor always lightens the day.
It gave me pause to consider how unbearably defeated, how truly lost I had felt. I had been without a survival plan. There just wasn't a road map available. My emotional GPS was broken. And I am terrible at being vulnerable and allowing other people to help me.
In the middle of all of this, my intuition was always whispering to me that I was experiencing a great lesson in grieving and loss. Are there other lessons to be gleaned from the experience? Surely. And I'm positive that five years from now, I'll be able to look back and list them for you. But right now, I'm still in the rebuilding phase.
This lesson had nothing to do with survival, the attainment of a goal or reaching a destination. It had everything to do with living in a state of trust. Basically, I had to live into the answers, one moment at a time, as they unfolded in front of me.
I was really uncomfortable in this state of not knowing. Anyone who has been thrown into a situation of loss or grief unexpectedly can relate. One minute you're on solid ground, and the next you're being swept down a rushing river over turbulent rapids. There's no swimming against the current to get back to where you were. The only the option is to let the water carry you.
During a recent conversation, a friend offered some words of wisdom: "Don't argue with reality." This was powerful to me. While I have never spoken those words, I've always had to live that truth. Years ago, I was a young mother with meager employment, no funds and two toddlers. Sitting around ruminating over why I was in that position or looking for someone to blame didn't put food on the table. Like my daughter said, failure has never been an option. My practice has always been to buck up, and get to work no matter what. No matter what. There was never space for me to feel sorry for myself and there was no job that was beneath me. Need your toilet scrubbed? Awesome, I have hungry children.
Living into the answers for our lives goes back to the simple premise of being present with the present. One day at a time. No matter which school of spiritual thought you follow, pretty much all of them teach this same principle. Get comfortable with reality, learn from the past but let it go, and don't waste energy worrying about a future that may not materialize.
Rebuilding a life is not an easy task, but there are steps you can take to make it more manageable. The first one is to give up your need to know the answers. If the situation calls for it, plan the next 12 hours. What are you going to eat? Do you have a place to sleep? Can you bathe?
Eventually you'll get a little stronger and can start thinking of longer-term goals. Maybe you can plan the week. Then you can look at the next three months. The real objective is to realize that when you are in a crisis, you have to live into the answers. While all of us are touched by experiences that seem fated, what we do with those experiences is wholly, completely and truly up to us.
Devastating losses catch us unaware, and it is so important that we not argue with reality when are head-to-head with a crisis. We must take each moment as it comes, and honor ourselves, knowing that feelings are simply feelings. They change and pass. And they may not even be the truth; though they may feel true in that moment, feelings borne under the heavy storms of crisis are frequently clouded. Though in the midst of upheaval you may feel stuck, know that you have the ability to choose new things for your life. New, supportive friends. New places to live. New careers to explore. New thoughts to think.
When the answers aren't forthcoming, release the panic and anxiety, and deal with what is right before you in that moment. When you take one step forward, the Universe sees your willingness to participate, and it conspires to help guide your next two steps. Live into it.
When things fall apart, remember they are often falling together in a more authentic arrangement for you. Trust. My children are in their 20s now, and looking back over the crisis years I can tell you this: they never missed a meal, and we never slept on the street. My lesson has been to trust. If all I can do is sit and sob, then that's all I can do. But when I am actively doing all I can, the rest falls into place. Through my tears, I have learned to believe in pronoia: the Universe is conspiring for my wellbeing. New experiences will be waiting for you, for me, for all of the suffering to embrace, once we allow our tears to dry.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
The Simple Things Mean the Most.
A "thing" can be a tangible good; an object of some sort. It can also be an activity, an action or undertaking. Today I'm talking about the latter: simple actions that can mean the world to someone. In this season of giving, I encourage everyone to rethink what kind of "things" you'll offer others this year.
My cat, Moka, is sleeping in a small box on the floor right now. I just can't help but to smile widely every time I look down at him. He is completely buried under tissue paper and made a little hole to peek out of. It's hysterical! As I gazed down at him contentedly sleeping, I thought, "Life really is about the simple things. He is in seventh heaven!"
The Simple Things Mean The Most
A "thing" can be a tangible good; an object of some sort. It can also be an activity, an action or undertaking. Today I'm talking about the latter: simple actions that can mean the world to someone. In this season of giving, I encourage everyone to rethink what kind of "things" you'll offer others this year.
My cat, Moka, is sleeping in a small box on the floor right now. I just can't help but to smile widely every time I look down at him. He is completely buried under tissue paper and made a little hole to peek out of. It's hysterical! As I gazed down at him contentedly sleeping, I thought, "Life really is about the simple things. He is in seventh heaven!"
About an hour ago I checked my mail and was surprised to see the aforementioned box outside my door, addressed from a skin care company I love. Excited, I opened it and found a beautiful gift set of my favorite products and a note from a wonderful friend. She caught me completely by surprise! Obviously, she had listened carefully to me many months ago when I casually mentioned how much I enjoyed these products. I took a picture of Moka sleeping in the box and sent it to her, along with a message saying he loved the box she sent.
Her surprise gesture made me feel so good. I mean, really good. I love surprises!
Last week, a holiday card arrived in my mail without a return address. It ended up being from an dear client of mine who wrote,"Thank you for helping me through the pain of losing yet another family member. Your messages have helped and given me some peace."
I can't tell you the surprise I felt that was quickly followed by a deep, humbling sense of gratitude. It shocked me a bit that she would think of me at the holidays; months, or even years after her reading. Her simple gesture filled me with happiness all day.
Another friend of mine sent me an email this week thanking me for the Christmas card I sent her. In it, she told me that she was cleaning out her kitchen drawer and found a card I had sent her some time ago and it reminded her that I was the first person to connect her with her daughter who has passed. Her email made me cry; there's nothing like first-thing-in-the-morning, still-haven't-had-coffee sentimentality.
After a group session in Chicago a few weeks ago someone in the audience approached me and said, "Mollie, you are always giving messages to everyone and today I have one for you. I saw this on the Internet and just really felt I needed to print it out for you."Into my hands she pressed a piece of paper with the quote on it,"When it's time for Souls to meet, there's nothing on Earth that can prevent them from meeting, no matter where each may be located." The message was relevant, beautiful and delivered right on time. It was a thoughtful gesture.
And one more simple thing that really made my day. Last night as I was dragging my suitcase in the house after my last trip of the year, I got a text message from a friend. It simply said, "Welcome home, love. I missed you." That, too, made me tear up. I don't get messages like that often.
My pleasure in life is almost entirely made of up of simple things that connect me to other people.
An unexpected gift.
An old card, reread and enjoyed again.
Creating the time to share a cup of tea with a friend.
Watching my cat do cat things.
Getting text message pictures from my daughter who is excited about her sewing project.
Sharing your joy with someone, in any capacity, is the best "simple thing" there is. After you have suffered the loss of a close loved one, you'll really understand the profound message this blog bears. Life is about simple things. Gestures and actions of thoughtfulness make everyday life abundant, no matter how grim the weather.
Anytime you can, share your love or joy with someone. Inspiration gives birth to miracles, and feeling connected is the greatest of them all.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
The Criticism Cure
The wisdom shared from the Spirit world during sessions is always meant to help us live better in the here and now. Theirs is a unique viewpoint; they've crossed that bridge and have seen the results of their actions from all perspectives. In other words, they know some good stuff about life.
While I was connecting a daughter to her mother in Spirit recently, the mother acknowledged that her daughter's marriage had undergone a transformation for the better, significantly better, in the last year. The woman smiled, and said to me, "It really has. We are much closer and happier now." Curious, I asked what she did that resulted in such an improvement? Her answer was simple...
The wisdom shared from the Spirit world during sessions is always meant to help us live better in the here and now. Theirs is a unique viewpoint; they've crossed that bridge and have seen the results of their actions from all perspectives. In other words, they know some good stuff about life.
While I was connecting a daughter to her mother in Spirit recently, the mother acknowledged that her daughter's marriage had undergone a transformation for the better, significantly better, in the last year. The woman smiled, and said to me, "It really has. We are much closer and happier now." Curious, I asked what she did that resulted in such an improvement? Her answer was simple, "I stopped criticizing my partner."
Inspired by her relationship transformation, I did an exhaustive search online for articles about criticism, the potential it yields for harm (HUGE) and the potential it might hold for positive change (small, and only when given by a unrelated third party).
Thinking back to when my children were very young, I remember times when a teacher or another parent would tell me something positive my child had done. I would think to myself, "Why do they act exactly the opposite at home? I've asked them a million times to do that!" I'll also never forget the day a dear friend of mine called in tears because a mutual friend had offered her "constructive criticism" in front of group of people. And who hasn't had a relative offer a cutting remark during the holidays?
I am not an expert in psychology, but I can tell you this: criticism is a killer when delivered by someone you love.
It wipes out trust.
It obliterates intimacy.
It causes pain.
It creates distance.
There are few places where criticism can be offered and accepted with helpful results; for example, when it is sought from a professional counselor or a trusted mentor. These specific people are teachers for us; we expect their feedback and are open to it.
But, when criticism comes from a parent, partner, lover, spouse, friend or relative it hurts. It damages the relationship. Our friends and family in the Spirit world have the benefit of seeing the big picture. Often they come through in a reading with apologies for judging others too harshly during their time on Earth. Their experience offers a valuable lesson for those of us willing to listen: it's time for a criticism cure.
Our basic needs in life, outside of food and shelter, are love and acceptance. These needs are universal.
The very fact that you are reading this blog means you are interested in self-awareness and spiritual growth. I'm willing to bet 100% of you have a fully-formed, inner critic who works overtime. You are aware of your issues, and the last thing you need is for your mother or spouse to highlight them for you.
A true intention to help someone comes from a place of love.
Whether you are trying to figure out how to deal with an outside critic or calm your own inner critic, remember that statement: A true intention to help comes from a place of love.
It can be hard to take criticism from a loved one, and even harder to look at ourselves as being too critical. Want to make changes in the way you approach your relationships? Offer loving and positive suggestions instead of highlighting what someone is doing wrong. Never attack a person; address their behavior.
Instead of saying to someone: "You have such a low self-esteem. Your life will just be full of problems until you correct that," try: "I really value you and our connection. You add something unique to my life. You've grown so much over the years, I notice the self work you are doing. I love you."
The best, strongest and most growth-oriented relationships are based on unconditional love, kindness and acceptance. People suffering with a low self-esteem are probably keenly aware of that, and having it thrown in their face again is not going to be helpful. Instead, offer encouragement. Relationships are mirrors that show us we are worthy of love.
Marriages and friendships don't end because the mutual support was just too much to handle, they end because the flaw-finding became toxic.
One of the best articles I discovered about what DOES work in a relationship is Masters of Love, by Emily Esfahani. My favorite quote from this article: "Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together. Research independent from theirs has shown that kindness (along with emotional stability) is the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated-feel loved."
Many years ago while on vacation in Hawaii, I met a restaurant reviewer while relaxing at the pool. I'll never forget something he said to me, "We never give anyone a poor review. The unspoken rule here in Hawaii is, 'Never say bad.' We simply promote and highlight the restaurants that are doing a great job."
Imagine the fundamental change we could make in our relationships and our own happiness if we resolved to silence the critic and "Never say bad." Every word of support we choose over criticism is a seed for our relationship growth. What we plant now, in our homes, at our holiday gatherings and within ourselves will be harvested perennially in years to come. Treating one another with loving kindness, patience and gentleness could be the greatest gift we give to ourselves and those we love--no wrapping required. What will you choose to cultivate?
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Signs of Hope.
There is nothing like the holiday season's ability to inspire us with joy or fill us with sorrow, practically at the same time. The melody of a familiar Christmas carol, the smell of cookies and pine, and the unpacking of family ornaments all have the potential to whisk our hearts back to happy moments. And it's a wonderful place to linger; memories of a cherished loved one are absolutely the greatest gift we can ever receive and hold dear.
Your loved ones in Spirit are aware of how much they are missed during celebrations, and they wish to make their loving presence known...
There is nothing like the holiday season's ability to inspire us with joy or fill us with sorrow, practically at the same time. The melody of a familiar Christmas carol, the smell of cookies and pine, and the unpacking of family ornaments all have the potential to whisk our hearts back to happy moments. And it's a wonderful place to linger; memories of a cherished loved one are absolutely the greatest gift we can ever receive and hold dear.
Your loved ones in Spirit are aware of how much they are missed during celebrations, and they wish to make their loving presence known. Family traditions are often carried forward in honor of a special person who has passed away. If you stop and think about them for a moment, do you realize in doing that, you are sending a "sign" to a loved one in Spirit that YOU are with THEM?
Have you ever considered that perhaps your loved one is looking for a "sign" from you?
I'm often asked about specific signs from loved ones who have passed, and the answer is the same for everyone. Whatever makes you think of your loved one and causes you to feel something emotionally or physically in that moment, that's your sign. There are so many ways for a loved one in Spirit to share a loving thought with you. Perhaps you'll see their name printed on a magazine in an odd space, find coins, or hear a special song on the radio as you scan through the channels. I've shared my story many times about my own personal sign from my older brother who passed 19 years ago. For many years, I've been finding paper money in the strangest places, and often in odd amounts. I've had five dollar bills being pushed up in my garden with the daffodils on my birthday in May. Once, I stepped onto a pile of cash in an empty parking lot, $168, the exact amount I needed for a doctor visit that week. It took me a LONG TIME to see the connection: my brother's name is Bill. It's almost embarrassing that I didn't get it sooner !
A few weeks ago I received a spectacular message in the form of two blue jays. I had woken up early that morning, full of excitement to film an episode for a new TV show. (It will be airing in a few months!) As I sat down at my desk with coffee, I was immediately drawn to look out the window into the the garden. There, perched on the fence, were two gorgeous blue jays, yapping and squawking to get my attention. Perhaps it's not uncommon in the Upper Midwest, except that I have never once, in 12 years of living here, seen a blue jay in my neighborhood. With my curiosity piqued, I did an internet search to see what special meaning a blue jay holds in animal lore. This is what I found: "Blue jay people are learning to embrace a more exciting, flamboyant and glamorous life while at the same time fitting in wherever they choose to land. Blue jay arrives onto the scene with beauty, color, energy and commanding attention like royalty or stardom walking on the red carpet."
The perfect message for a day of working on TV!
My Blue Jay visit inspired me to paint this for a friend.
The comfort granted through a small sign from a loved one cannot be conveyed in earthly terms. Honestly, I believe it sometimes makes the difference between living a day in peace, and wishing you would have never awakened. We can't know the pain of another, but this time of year we all really need to dig deep and find gentle compassion for the newly-bereaved and for bereaved parents.
The first few years without a beloved parent present during the holiday celebrations can be very difficult. It's a quandary for those who have been blessed with strong, close, parent-child relationships. No one ever takes a happy moment with a loved one for granted but the truth is, there are some mothers who set the room aglow with their holiday cheer. Those moms who fill every heart with tender joy and every belly with her secret recipes. There's always that crazy cousin or uncle who is life of the party and thrills everyone with his wild stories while the laughter lasts all night long. They are missed terribly at the holidays!
It would be just like that crazy cousin to pull a prank as a sign from Spirit, wouldn't it? Perhaps lights flickering? And your mom might send you a sign in the form of a familiar smell while driving in a closed car. Perhaps a friend will randomly email you a quote that happened to be a favorite of your loved one in Spirit. Keep you heart and eyes open to the many ways you can be touched by love.
We have to keep on, in whatever way we can, and look for those unexpected moments of serendipity that prove we never face a day alone.
There is another way you can be graced with hope from a loved one without even realizing it's happening. At some point, we all come up against a bad day, when the grief just hurts and the loneliness is overwhelming. We huddle up somewhere safe and alone, and release the tears. Eventually the tears dry up, the tissues run out and we find ourselves getting back to business. It's in those quiet moments that the love of Spirit is flowing directly into your Soul. The power or prayer or intention is unlimited, and you need to know that your loved one is praying for you, thinking about you and sending you all the love in the universe in those moments of despair. So silent is the exchange that you are unaware, but somehow, someway, you found the strength to pick up and try again. It's a gift of grace.
Above all, be gentle during this season. Be gentle with yourself and everyone you meet. Walk slower, listen more, compromise when you can, forgive, forgive and forgive. Be the gift of love to everyone you encounter.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Transform Your Life with Gratitude.
Last night I arrived home at 11:30 p.m. after driving six very long hours in terrible fog and rain. When I unlocked the back door, I was welcomed by a large plunk of water hitting my head. I looked up to see that the ceiling in my breezeway was leaking, and I mean, BIG TIME. Having been gone for the better part of month on tour, I didn't realize it had gone past the point of no return. Wearily, I put a roasting pan on the floor to catch the water and collapsed into bed ala Scarlett O'Hara telling myself, "Tomorrow is another day." Not surprisingly, around 8 a.m. the ceiling hit the floor along with a loud crash, tons of rain-soaked insulation and an accompanying waterfall.
Last night I arrived home at 11:30 p.m. after driving six very long hours in terrible fog and rain. When I unlocked the back door, I was welcomed by a large plunk of water hitting my head. I looked up to see that the ceiling in my breezeway was leaking, and I mean, BIG TIME. Having been gone for the better part of month on tour, I didn't realize it had deteriorated past the point of no return. Wearily, I put a roasting pan on the floor to catch the water and collapsed into bed ala Scarlett O'Hara telling myself, "Tomorrow is another day." Not surprisingly, around 8 a.m. the ceiling hit the floor along with a loud crash, tons of rain-soaked insulation and an accompanying waterfall.
I stood there and surveyed the mess, (I, myself, also a mess) trying to figure out what to do next. Water was pouring in through the hole. Insulation was everywhere. I was completely exhausted and totally apathetic about the situation. The obvious answer was to go to Starbucks for a coffee and post on Facebook that I needed a roofer. By the time I returned with coffee in hand, my best friend had shown up, had called her husband for advice and was ready to help me shovel up the shambles.
She hugged me and gently asked, "Are you alright? I'm so sorry you had to come home to a disaster."
"Yeah, it's all good. Thankfully, it's just a roof; just a ceiling. I have a rainy day fund, which I was hoping to apply toward a sunny vacation, but it's fine. I'm grateful it happened while I was home and I can get it taken care of." I said, calmly.
Honestly, I was amazed at how unstressed I was and how naturally I found positive aspects of the situation to be glad about.
Earlier this fall, I realized I was at a stalemate with several issues in my life, and concluded that my only hope for achieving peace was to shift the way I was feeling and thinking about them. I'm no stranger to thinking positively or expressing my appreciation. Deep inside of me, I knew I could free myself further by focusing on whatever was going right and giving thanks for every situation that was occurring whether I thought of it as "good" or "bad."
I found it just a little difficult at first. (Ha!) I recall standing in my garage looking at the banged up front end of my car and trying to say the words, "I'm so thankful I hit the wall while pulling into the garage!" :-)
I am however, thankful to have an attached garage. The snow and ice here in Wisconsin wreaks havoc on a car left parked outside. I'm still thankful even though this dang garage was built in 1923 and is only large enough to fit a MINI Cooper. I am also thankful to my neighbor who came over with a giant wood block and sledgehammer and moved the wall back into its correct place. That was quite a feat! What a great neighbor.
After that, I started focusing on sending the energy of gratitude to relationships with people in my life that could be improved. Each time I caught myself thinking, "Ugh! This is so frustrating!" I changed it to, "I'm thankful for the birthday card she sent me," or whatever small, specific act of kindness that had previously transpired between us. Within a few weeks, we actually started getting along better. The option to hold a grudge is always there, but wow, they are heavy to hold on to. Gratitude is as light as air.
My life's focus is to help alleviate some of the pain of grieving the loss of a loved one and to give people the tools they need to continue living fulfilled lives after a loss. During the holiday season it is especially easy to fall into depression over what is no longer an option for us, such as simply having time together with a loved one. What we are missing can cause crushing feelings that disable our ability to get through until January 2 with a reasonable level of sanity.
Here is what might work for you; it really worked for me.
Every time you find yourself slipping into a negative thought or thoughts of what you don't have in the present moment, express your gratitude for something very specific you remember which holds joy for you.
Change: "I miss my mom so much I can't breathe sometimes."
Into: "I'm so thankful for the butter cookies she always made." (also, go make those cookies!)
Put a full on stop to complaining for the next six weeks. Instead, try something new. Express specific gratitude to everyone you have a conversation with. Recall and hold onto the great memories you have created with living friends and family members. Thank people for things they did five years ago. Everyone craves validation and appreciation.
Make that your gift to everyone this season.
Your thoughts are a living energy that sustains you or drains you. You have the power to shift inferior thoughts to superior ones. You won't be able to put a full stop to your grieving, but think of it like opening the windows after you've badly burned a casserole. The air is clear. You'll breathe a little easier. You'll have a fighting chance of getting through the season feeling thankful instead of miserable.
Give thanks for everything. Be as specific as possible.
I'm thankful for all the letters, emails, cards and notes that so many of you have sent me telling me that I've helped you. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
The Gifts of Grief
It seems like an oxymoron to use the words "gift" and "grief" in the same sentence, yet, we have the free will to choose how we observe any occurrence in life.
Grief is usually described with every adjective imaginable that symbolizes energy loss.
In short, it sucks. It sucks our willpower, our joie de vivre, our hope and usually our dreams for the future, too. With time comes knowledge and some objectivity. When the loss is new, it is difficult to see anything resembling an offering from the Universe. Several years down the road however, those who are diligently doing inner spiritual work can list for you several important gifts that were disguised as lessons during the healing process of grieving.
It seems like an oxymoron to use the words "gift" and "grief" in the same sentence, yet, we have the free will to choose how we observe any occurrence in life.
Grief is usually described with every adjective imaginable that symbolizes energy loss.
In short, it sucks. It sucks our willpower, our joie de vivre, our hope and usually our dreams for the future, too. With time comes knowledge and some objectivity. When the loss is new, it is difficult to see anything resembling an offering from the Universe. Several years down the road however, those who are diligently doing inner spiritual work can list for you several important gifts that were disguised as lessons during the healing process of grieving.
Here are some of the most profound insights people have shared with me that arose as byproduct of their loss. If you are newly-bereaved, this list may give you hope for days that are a bit further down your path.
A deeper appreciation for the small, positive moments of life.
When people take a few minutes to reflect upon what they miss about a loved one who has died or left, I hear more about the small things people did than the big ones. The big things a wife might miss about her husband was his ability to take care of her and the family financially. Yet, if you ask her what she misses about him, the answers are always things like, "His roaring laugh." "He woke up before me every morning and made the coffee." "He always called me at lunch time." We may argue that we already appreciate how good we have it when a loved one is alive and well, but the value of such precious moments grows immeasurably when they are a memory instead of a present reality.
A need to correct misunderstandings as quickly as possible.
Your mother was right when she said not to go to bed angry. People die in their sleep; that's a reality. They also die suddenly from heart attacks, car accidents and natural disasters. There is never a better time to forgive and forget than right now. Reach out to someone with whom you have a discordant relationship, and offer the proverbial olive branch. Perhaps the differences cannot be resolved, but you can always let go with love instead of anger.
The ability to let go of differences and most disagreements.
My good friend Troy often says, "It just doesn't matter." The jewelry from your grandmother that you were supposed to inherit instead of your cousin? It just doesn't matter. That hateful comment posted on social media by someone you hardly know? It just doesn't matter. The friend who refuses to compromise? It just doesn't matter. Move on. Your life energy is more precious than money; be careful how and where you spend it. You could invest a lot of time into petty circumstances and consequently feel drained when something or someone truly worthwhile comes along.
A reduction in the fear of failure.
The biggest regrets in life are often the chances we don't take. This is not encouragement to repeat past mistakes; but sometimes our fears of failing, being humiliated, embarrassed, wrong or shamed prevent us from taking necessary risks in life to better our circumstances and relationships. The only guarantee in physical life is eventual death, and when you have dealt with that loss, it's possible to bury some of our fears with our loved ones. Life is meant for living and often the bereaved feel a new vitality surrounding their ability to try things that used to scare them.
Judgment of others is transformed into compassion.
When you have had to deal with loss due to suicide, drug abuse or tragic circumstances, your sense of compassion for the person dealing with the challenge/addiction/illness and their loved ones trying to cope with the situation is heightened immeasurably. As a naive person, it's quite easy to view a drug addict with a sense of disgust, but with experience comes wisdom. The ability to see another person for their light, bravery and connection to us through their Soul instead of their circumstances, is one of the most enlightened places from which to view the world. We need to see the addict as a Soul who needs unconditional love; the controlling individual as a Soul who needs additional security; the fearful human as someone who has been hurt and needs to be gently cared for. It always comes back to our collective, basic need for unconditional love. Do you accept that YOU need unconditional love, too? When we are able to let go of judgment in favor of compassion, we are able to give that same grace to ourselves.
In the wake of loss, this transformation gives us powerful new perspective to navigate the many changes of life.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.