Mother's and Father's Day for the Bereaved Parent
With Mother’s Day just behind us, and Father’s Day coming up soon, I’ve been reflecting on what a bittersweet job parenting can be.
A parent creates life, and then at some point has to release their most precious creation to the will of the Universe. In the toughest scenario, parents have to endure the death of their child. I remembered how I struggled when my two children hit their 20s and moved out of our home to permanent residences in their college town. It took me three months to stop crying and readjust my life. But no matter how sad I might be that my children have moved on with their adult life, they can still come back, fill my house with noise, and be a part of my physical reality. A bereaved parent’s options are far fewer.
With Mother’s Day just behind us, and Father’s Day coming up soon, I’ve been reflecting on what a bittersweet job parenting can be.
A parent creates life, and then at some point has to release their most precious creation to the will of the Universe. In the toughest scenario, parents have to endure the death of their child. I remembered how I struggled when my two children hit their 20s and moved out of our home to permanent residences in their college town. It took me three months to stop crying and readjust my life. But no matter how sad I might be that my children have moved on with their adult life, they can still come back, fill my house with noise, and be a part of my physical reality. A bereaved parent’s options are far fewer.
Metaphorically, they can either learn to swim or drown.
While interacting with a diverse section of bereaved parents, I’ve found there is no time frame for healing. It’s not something that can be gotten over, like an illness. It has to be incorporated into your life. As a medium, I deal mostly with spiritual people, or at least those who are open to the idea of the afterlife. One common thread I see with parents who are thriving after a loss is their dedication to helping others. You might expect that it’s those parents who realize their child is still with them spiritually who move through grief most easily. But in all honesty, it’s those who reach out to others whom I see thriving instead of merely surviving. They haven’t necessarily changed their lives or careers, but they do take the time to help others. And in doing so, they inspire hope.
I liken this phenomenon to what I’ve seen in New York City. Folks from Manhattan get a bad rap as being tough, yet my experiences with groups there have been the exact opposite. Nowhere have I seen people come together in community as closely as I have in NYC. Whenever someone receives a message, every person in the room is just as thrilled as if he or she had received one. It’s a beautiful solidarity. My feeling is that the recent tragedies of 9-11 and Hurricane Sandy have helped create this bond between neighbors. And bereaved parents understand each other. The comfort one bereaved parent can offer to another is woven through with a deep empathy that someone who has not experienced this loss cannot comprehend.
Helping others get through the grief of losing a child can be a temporary thing you do for a few years as a part of your healing. Or it can be something to which you dedicate the rest of your life. The loss of a child creates a particular void, different from any other, and parents need an outlet for the nurturing energy they previously devoted to their child. Being an active parent to a deceased child is an arduous task! I always say, “A bereaved parent’s work is never done.” Instead of cooking, laundry and baseball games, the grieving parent’s work becomes spiritual growth, lessons in patience and faith, and often a dedication of personal time to helping others.
I asked a few bereaved parents what comforts them on days like Mother’s and Father’s Day.
Susie shares: “I think of earth as a school for learning love lessons. Our son "graduated" early and is home, in the loving arms of our Father, where we will all be reunited some day.”
Jan shares: "Almost every Mother’s Day, my departed son finds a way to give me a gift—if only I pay attention! This past Saturday, I visited my four-year-old niece Caroline, whom I hadn’t seen in a year and a half. She’s normally very shy. But as soon as I saw her, Caroline gave me a big hug and insisted on spending every minute by my side. I went away feeling cherished and loved. Later I realized that our son was whispering in Caroline’s ear, urging her to give me some loving. It worked—and completely changed my Mother’s Day weekend."
Marsha shares: “It’s been five years since my daughter, Molly, departed, and I truly think there is no way a mother’s heart ever returns to normal after such an unexpected loss. I believe a mother’s love for her child is immeasurably fierce and is matched only by God’s unlimited love for us. In my quest to find my daughter, I think SHE found me and has been wrapping her spiritual arms around me, encouraging me to take that love and do positive things with it. Like our children who have departed and still send us their love, it can be very comforting to find a way to plant something good where something so infinitely precious was taken."
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Dream Visits
In today's video blog I answer a popular question about dream visits from loved ones passed. Not only are these visits real, they can prove to be deeply healing gifts. I discuss the differences between spiritual visits and typical dreams, frequency, and why a loved one may choose to pass a message to you through someone else's dream.
In today's video blog I answer a popular question about dream visits from loved ones passed. Not only are these visits real, they can prove to be deeply healing gifts. I discuss the differences between spiritual visits and typical dreams, frequency, and why a loved one may choose to pass a message to you through someone else's dream.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
How Hard is Doing the Right Thing?
I’m wrapping up my Spring Tour and heading home for two Wisconsin events this weekend. Being on the road can be tiring, but you sure do learn a lot when you are out of your comfort zone and making your way through unfamiliar territory. One thing I have learned being on tour this past month is the importance of doing the “right thing,” according to your heart.
I’m wrapping up my Spring Tour and heading home for two Wisconsin events this weekend. Being on the road can be tiring, but you sure do learn a lot when you are out of your comfort zone and making your way through unfamiliar territory.
One thing I have learned being on tour this past month is the importance of doing the “right thing,” according to your heart. In Texas a woman in the audience received a message from a grandmother who had passed. The grandmother was communicating such love and gratitude toward her granddaughter. She kept showing me bottles of nail polish, along with the emotion of her love. The granddaughter started crying, tears of relief mixed with joy, and told us that they’d had a difficult relationship. But after her grandmother crossed, she took actions that she felt were the “right thing to do.” She painted her grandmothers’ nails before laying her to rest, because the grandmother always had perfect nails and she wanted to honor her in that small way. Even though their relationship on Earth was not the greatest, the woman’s final small act of kindness paid off big.
When we leave hurts in the past and act with kindness towards those who have injured us, we create a whole new relationship. It doesn’t matter if the body is alive or dead--what matters is the love that is always alive.
There was a similar message at the group in Pennsylvania this weekend. A woman in the audience had taken care of an elderly family member who was quite demanding and picky before her passing. But in Spirit the elderly woman came through with so much love and gratefulness for the assistance she had received. Sometimes we don’t express, or maybe even feel, the deep sense of gratitude and love that people inspire in us until we actually cross over and see life from a bigger perspective.
The underlying theme with both messages is that when you choose to be kind, you don’t just change the world of the person you are directly relating to. You change the world as a whole.
Last week I spent a few days wandering the streets and subways of New York, which is honestly one of the best opportunities anywhere to see a cross section of humanity. In just minutes you can come across a massive disparity between standards of living. You may walk past someone who’s completely destitute and looking for hot food and, at the next turn, brush shoulders with someone wearing shoes that cost more than most peoples’ mortgage payments. I offered a genuine smile to everyone I could. I smiled widely at a distracted teenager sitting across from me on the subway (she probably thought I was crazy) and, minutes later, at a man dining with friends at a fancy lunch spot on the Upper East Side. (he looked alarmed, like maybe I might come in and ask him for money.)
One man I crossed paths with is still with me in my heart. It was Saturday morning, and I had just been to the market at Union Square. I was headed back to the subway. I could hear singing as I walked down the stairs to the train platform.
“All you need is love…”
It was an older black man, probably homeless or at least really struggling, with a small CD player. He was sitting on a bench, playing the Beatles and letting the world hear his deep, melodic voice.
“All you need is love….”
Smiling, I looked down the platform and saw a woman about my age grinning at the singer. She and I looked at each other, burst into laughter and started singing with him.
“All you need is love…”
Love is all you need, people. Everyone, without fail, is trying to overcome some hardship. On a completely crappy day, you can still receive a smile and some random kindness from this world. You can also choose to give it out, simply by lifting your eyes, turning the corners of your mouth up, and maybe even singing along.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Which loved one is sending me a sign?
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers a question from a viewer with multiple loved ones in Spirit. She is wondering how to tell which one is sending her a sign. Mollie shares an endearing, personal story of how she overlooked a very specific sign from her brother who passed away 20 years ago. She also discusses the higher purpose of signs and how you can also send them to a loved one.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers a question from a viewer with multiple loved ones in Spirit. She is wondering how to tell which one is sending her a sign. Mollie shares a personal story of how she overlooked a very specific sign from her brother who passed away 20 years ago. She also discusses the higher purpose of signs and how you can also send them to a loved one.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Quieting the Peanut Gallery
Back when my children were young, to try and save myself some embarrassment whenever we dined at friends’ homes, I taught them they could use one of two answers if asked if they liked the food: “Yes! Thanks for cooking!” or “It’s interesting. Thanks for cooking!” Blurting out “It’s horrible!” wasn’t helpful or kind. A meal is a gift, not a place to inject negative opinions.
Back when my children were young, to try and save myself some embarrassment whenever we dined at friends’ homes, I taught them they could use one of two answers if asked if they liked the food: “Yes! Thanks for cooking!” or “It’s interesting. Thanks for cooking!” Blurting out “It’s horrible!” wasn’t helpful or kind. A meal is a gift, not a place to inject negative opinions.
Well, it’s been an “interesting” week for me. Like anyone else who is coping with the human condition 100% of the time, I can handle most stresses if they come at me one by one. But when stress comes slapping in from every angle, it’s time to stop and regroup before I reach the breakdown point. That’s the “interesting” meal the Universe cooked up for me this week. Family, work, health, and tax day…one big, simmering pot of chaos.
When I logged online, I found a nastier-than-usual dose of comments from the Peanut Gallery called Facebook. I’m not going to share the details of what I regularly receive, but it goes way beyond, “This is devil’s work!” But alas, it’s Facebook, and lots of people spew their hate in 30 seconds and move on. Then there’s the Peanut Gallery called my Inbox: I’m amazed when people take the time to email me nasty comments or even “helpful” suggestions that aren’t helpful at all. All of this adds up to a lot of chatter in my head. Not the dead people this time—just me, The Peanut Gallery of Mollie, chiding myself and sinking deeper into the problem instead of the solution.
I was so stressed out I couldn’t sleep—which is one trouble I never have. Being a traveler, I’ve learned to sleep wherever I am. I gave in at 3 a.m. and decided to have a cup of tea. As I sat there sipping, I tried to dream up logical answers for each situation, and I just couldn’t. So instead I prayed and asked for angelic help, for Spirit, for God, for my dead brother—-anything, anyone who could show me the path to serenity.
The angels didn’t manifest. There was no sudden miracle. Geez, I couldn’t even get my brother to make a light to flicker to show his presence. I felt lost, except for one small thought that popped into my head.
The chaos would keep cranking up until I changed course.
I knew it was true. Change is the only way out of an issue. Either the issue changes, or you change yourself.
I realized my work schedule needed a major overhaul—and how disappointing that would be for some people. I realized that my injured back needs to be babied for the next few weeks. Lots of inconvenience there! The other situations lay outside of me. I could only change my reaction to them.
I gave thanks to the stress for showing me the areas I need to work on. I also gave thanks to the Universe, or God, for giving me this lesson in a compassionate way. I’m in a challenging situation that I can’t transform quickly. But even on a lousy day there is always a “best case scenario” that can happen within the framework that exists. I crawled back into bed and got up two hours later, still exhausted and with a migraine. That’s when grace started unfurling on my behalf, and I saw the best case scenario playing out right before my eyes.
During an early morning work meeting, I was encouraged to stay strong and reminded that, “It’s darkest before the dawn.”
A good friend with whom I haven’t spoken in months sent me this text out of the blue: “Don’t worry. It will all be all right.” You’ve got to be kidding! His Soul was picking up my spiritual SOS. Trusting his intuition, he responded to my energetic plea for help.
And while the troublesome situations sat and simmered unchanged, I checked out of life for three hours to receive the gift of a massage and water therapy for my back at a beautiful spa. The gift was given by someone who loves me and wants me to be able to work pain-free. I protested when it was offered, thinking it was just too much to accept. But then I realized it was the Universe conspiring to help me. As I relaxed into the hot water, I told the Peanut Gallery of Mollie it had two choices: shut up or give thanks. So, for the next three hours, I silently expressed gratitude for everything and focused on my trusty affirmation of many years, “ I am healthy, happy, whole, well, loved and abundant.”
In the massage room there was a small card waiting for me with a picture of a flowing stream and a quote.
“Hardships often prepare people for an extraordinary destiny.” --C.S. Lewis
“Go with the flow,” I thought, looking at the picture of the stream. That’s when I thought of you. The thousands of people who look to me to be a light seen from the depths of their grief. The extraordinary, everyday people I meet who are living through the hell of loss, and who can’t change a damn thing about their situations.
I walked out of the spa feeling much better. Nothing had actually changed. I still have schedule, family, health and tax-day stresses to confront. But now I’m sure I can handle them, especially knowing that I have coworkers, friends, strangers and even a Higher Power willing to encourage, comfort and inspire me along the way.
Perhaps you need to give your Peanut Gallery an ultimatum, too. Taking a break, even a few hours, from situations you cannot change and infusing your being with gratitude can help get you through the day more peacefully. Prayers are often answered by our friends. Accept the Divine’s response to your requests through the people directed into your life. Just say “Yes!” And don’t forget to add a heartfelt “Thank you!”
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Addressing the Myths of Suicide.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers questions from a bereaved woman who has experienced phenomena in her home after her fiancee's suicide. Mollie shares her knowledge and puts to rest some of the myths associated about what happens to a soul who completes suicide. The blog wraps up with recommended resources for those who are rebuilding their lives after this type of loss.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers questions from a bereaved woman who has experienced phenomena in her home after her fiancee's suicide. Mollie shares her knowledge and puts to rest some of the myths about what happens to a soul who completes suicide. The blog wraps up with recommended resources for those who are rebuilding their lives after this type of loss. The Alliance of Hope can be found at www.allianceofhope.org Click HERE to visit their website.
You should also read this article from 2014: Opening Up About Suicide
We'd love for you to submit a question for the next video blog! Please use the form found HERE.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.