Recently several people have responded to my weekly blogs with words of gratitude for helping them to manage the losses in their lives that go beyond the death of a loved one and into the disappearance of relationships, careers or self-identity. At the end of each work day, I take time to reflect upon the communication that was brought forward from Spirit, and examine it for value beyond validating the existence of the afterlife. I come into each session listening for something insightful; I want to know how the dead can teach us to live better. They have been there, done that and see everything through the lens of enlightenment, a valuable perspective that we have not yet gained.
It is an extraordinary gift to receive wisdom that enables us to create changes in our earth-based existence BEFORE we greet our own mortality face-to-face. The greatest instigators for change that I have experienced, at least twice in my life, were the moments of complete breakdown and the surrender to the life-flow that followed. None of this was easy or pleasant. In fact, it was completely dreadful as I experienced it. However, sometimes the only way we can move forward is by first losing ourselves completely.
There's little joy in recalling the ugly moments when my loss (a second marriage) became real. It happened many weeks after the announcement that my husband was leaving because he wanted to explore having a life as a single woman. My mind was so completely blown by his unbelievable admission it took it me a good deal of time to process what this exactly meant for me: my plans, my family, my expectations and the future. One beautiful Sunday afternoon, reality crashed upon me as I realized I had absolutely nothing and no one whom I could rely upon, and only a deep sense of responsibility toward my children. I ended up in the small space of a closet under the stairs with several coats draped over my head so no one could hear my wailing. In those hours of sobbing, grieving my future and gasping for breath, I wrote so many endings to my story and every one of those conclusions were entirely tragic. I had no hope. I mean this sincerely....I had "lost it" in every way possible.
"I'm damaged goods beyond any repair. There is no one who could love me with this history."
"I've made such horrible choices, I am helplessly stupid."
"I'm going to be homeless and my children will be taken away from me."
After several hours of this storytelling, I became aware of my children playing upstairs. Faint noises of their laughter, the endlessly squeaky floorboards as they jumped around, their yelling at video games...I heard the sounds of their living, being. The aching and pain inside of me became much more intense as I realized there was no way I could let them down. I had no plan, and no clue where to start but I realized...they have no idea anything is wrong. They believe life is still okay.
Something inside of my heart, some kind of gifted hope, set off the smallest spark in that moment. Believe me, it was tiny. I could hardly perceive it. A few days later, I made a laundry list of my problems, both the practical and the perceived. It was an exhaustive list, but it gave me a starting point. (Granted, it was at the bottom of a trash can with a long climb out, but at least I knew where I was.) I created an affirmation that OPPOSED every negative thought I had about who I was, or what I might be able to achieve. I began the daily practice of mediating on that affirmation, and to this day, I still mediate with it.
I am Happy, Healthy, Whole, Well, Loved and Abundant.
When I created this affirmation, I was very unhappy. I was sick, suffering from migraines and panic attacks. I felt so broken; I couldn't imagine what feeling "whole" was like. Everything made me feel unwell. Loved? I didn't even love or respect myself, let alone have the capacity to receive that from another person. I couldn't see any value in the experiences I had navigated in life; I viewed them as walls that separated me from my desires and needs. And as for abundance, my pantry was as deflated as my self-esteem.
When I created my mantra, I emptied my head completely of my story. I stopped scripting my life. I refused to commit myself to a future tragic ending. I stepped into the unknown and decided that was to be my new "comfort zone" for the rest of forever.
I knew that I would never again live within a mental space of comfort where life, events and tomorrow are predictable, and are a given. THEY ARE A GIFT.
What happened in following years as I allowed my thinking to be re-scripted continues to be miraculous. There is no more "trying" for anything, it shows up in its perfect time. I am completely available to joyfully experience whoever and whatever is going on in the moment without judging it or myself. Every single thing that I affirm is true, and with no limits. There is no ceiling on the love I experience with the people with whom I am blessed to exchange energy. My abundance is overwhelming and joyfully shared. Is my life flawless? Of course not, but I can tell you, those flawed moments are dealt with much more quickly and with a massive dose of self-respect and love.
So, is HOPE a gift, or can you create it?
The spark of hope I was gifted from that "Source" of Soul or Spirit was so small in the moment it was received it could have easily been snuffed out. I chose to gather whatever tinder was nearby and light a fire. I created it and did the work. I am responsible and always will be for my life experience.
My ears have been a resting spot for so many stories that detail the reality of those moments when the loss of a loved one causes you to completely "lose it;" when you, the loss and the moment become "real." A bereaved mother who I am blessed to call a dear friend recalls how she laid crying, gasping and wrenching on the floor in a dark room for days without eating. She heard that whisper of hope, and I can't stress enough...it's bloody hard to hear it's so faint! She is an upwardly-mobile person with a great career, and family who is contributing love to society as a whole. This type of breakdown can happen to anyone.
I've determined that the most stable place to rebuild your life upon is ROCK BOTTOM...it is a firm foundation for healing.
I am a purveyor of hope. I allow my life energy to be used as an instrument for discarnate Souls to reach out to loved ones in need of confirmation and healing. The "gift" here is the path that becomes visible to those in need. The road of hope is now under your feet. At this point, you may choose to walk on it, into the unknown and discover for yourself that the ending to YOUR story is also unwritten and available for you to create with purpose and meaning. You can't be carried down this road, it has to be travelled. And that's the gift.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.