"It's like she's gone into an amazing restaurant and ordered without looking at the menu based only on what she's eaten in the past," said the man in Spirit. "She's already decided what she'll have for her future, but she doesn't realize the choices are more incredible than she can imagine."
The young widow replied gently, "He's right, but I just want him to know that he is my one and only love."
Sometimes in life we find ourselves relying upon our past to serve as a benchmark for our future. This is especially prevalent when we've experienced a loss; the pain from the loss can be so raw that our vision for our future becomes limited; we only want to hold on to or recreate the joy we have already experienced. It doesn't really register that something EVEN BETTER might be available.
If you haven't lost the love of your life, or your only child, this way of thinking might be hard to understand, but I see it all the time. We can't imagine loving another partner, or including another child in our life, because we are thinking, "My loved one cannot be replaced."
And that is exactly right. We can never replace someone we love.
What we can do is invite and create situations where we are able to experience love again. Those new situations will have absolutely nothing to do with the person who died or left our life. I have had scores of people book sessions with me over the years with the underlying need to make sure their deceased spouse is okay with them having a new relationship.
I can assure you that universally, the people you love who have passed to Spirit want you to fill your life with loving experiences. You are not being disloyal to a deep, meaningful relationship by experiencing another one. You are simply creating more love. It can be a huge challenge to TRUST the process, to allow love to enter without completely freaking out because this new love might also die or leave.
So, we end up ordering off the menu of our past, completely limiting ourselves from experiencing a fullness that we can't imagine.
"I'll never love anyone as much as I loved her."
"I'll never get married again."
"I don't have the capacity to love another child that deeply."
The fact is, whether these sentiments are true is uncertain, simply because we haven't opened ourselves up to the possibilities. We haven't even opened ourselves to the chance to love and be loved again.
Ordering from my past menu came up for me in a gorgeous restaurant called " beast + bottle" in Denver Sunday night, after my group event. My friends ordered a rabbit appetizer, and simply seeing the word "rabbit" on the menu flooded me with bad memories. When I was about 9, I was eating dinner at a friend's house one evening when her Dad confessed that the meat in the stew was rabbit. Now, I was not very open to trying new foods at that point in my life, and his admission sent me under the table gagging. As a very hard-headed little girl, I was turned off rabbit FOREVER. Until last night. Out came this gorgeous plate of braised fennel (my favorite vegetable), multi-colored carrots, parsnips and bits of braised rabbit in a light sauce. I couldn't help myself, it was so beautifully presented....the flavor was incredible. I hate when I have to be sneaky about licking a plate in public. Ahem, sorry Peter Cottontail, I'm converted...and I am going to be more conscious about my PAST MENUS; they stopped delivering long ago.
Ordering from the menu of the past time and again will only get us the same results. So while it is possible to order up another plate of grief, loneliness or regret, it's important to remember we have unlimited menu options available to us. Life is meant to be a feast for the soul, a buffet of opportunities for happiness.
Why not set down the menu of the past, and begin creating something delicious for your future? You never know, you might discover entirely new ways to savor life.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.