Making Room for Reality
This week, millions of families all across America will be sitting down to share a meal with people they cherish. At nearly every table there will be turkey, pumpkin pie and a side dish of sadness. Almost every home will be missing something, or rather, someone.
I think of my own brother, on this 23rd Thanksgiving without him. I think of the hundreds of families I have worked with this year. The family who lost their brother to a heart attack, and then had their living brother diagnosed with cancer. I think of the family who lost their precious four-year old…
This week, millions of families all across America will be sitting down to share a meal with people they cherish. At nearly every table there will be turkey, pumpkin pie and a side dish of sadness. Almost every home will be missing something, or rather, someone.
I think of my own brother, on this 23rd Thanksgiving without him. I think of the hundreds of families I have worked with this year. The family who lost their brother to a heart attack, and then had their living brother diagnosed with cancer. I think of the family who lost their precious four-year old daughter to illness. I think of the parents whose son was murdered by his friend. I think of my young friend who had a brain tumor removed on Tuesday. With all these sad occurrences, I don’t know how any of us can even find the appetite to eat. It seems a harsh reality when your happiness has been so challenged.
As the years go by and we grow older, our lives become richer in meaningful experiences that encompass the entirety of our lives: joy and loss.
Some of us at the Thanksgiving table may have suffered terrible losses in the past year. How can we find room for thanks in our hearts? Others of us may be seated alongside someone who’s grieving and not know how to act.
What can we do? We can draw support from each other by looking for hope in those around us.
One of life’s greatest hope-givers is the innocence of young children who can still experience unbridled joy without realizing that what goes up, must come down. One day this summer I was sitting in my dining room working on my computer when I heard the familiar voice of the little girl who lives down the street wafting in through the open windows. “Hi Mollie! Hi Mollie!” she called out. As I looked up, I saw her cruising by my house on her bike. Dear Charlotte yelled hello to me every time she passed my house, whether there was any chance of me hearing her or not. Trust me, when I did hear her, my heart overflowed.
Children hold so much space for connection, and we need to truly appreciate that when life seems bleak. They forgive quickly and ask for love when they need it. Why don’t we? We hold onto past grievances like trophies and quietly wish that someone will notice our loneliness.
As we face the realities of life, including tremendous losses, we need to remember that it is possible to hold space for both joy and sadness. They can share the same table, and in an authentic world, they always would.
Holding space for sadness at the holidays doesn’t come naturally to everyone. But it is a loving choice you can make to show compassion and empathy for those you care about.
When you hold space for reality, you meet people where they are, rather than asking them to change for you.
On holidays when I am sad or grieving, I try always to remember this: What a gift it is to have time in the company of people I care for. This is the thought I try to hold on to. Being around children especially helps me appreciate that gift.
For those of us who haven’t suffered loss, and who have lots to be thankful for this year:
-Let the newly bereaved cry without making them feel like they need to leave the room. They are grateful today, too, and have counted every blessing hundreds of times. But their hearts are crushed.
-You don’t need to fix anything or cheer anyone up. The death of a beloved spouse, or a parent, or a child cannot be fixed. Connection is more valuable than cheerfulness. Meeting people where they are means connecting with them so they don’t feel isolated. Try saying something like, “I know this day is so hard without Michael here.”
-And most important: SAY THE NAME of the person who has passed. SAY THEIR NAME. SAY THEIR NAME! There is nothing that comforts the bereaved more than knowing their loved one is remembered on holidays when every family member should be present.
“I remember when Hannah ate the entire can of whipped cream on her pumpkin pie.”
“Theresa loved hosting Thanksgiving so much, it was her favorite holiday.”
“ I wish Paul was with us today.”
Hold space at the holidays for reality, knowing that a meaningful life encompasses both joy and sorrow. Gratefulness is hard to feel during times of deep grief, but making a choice to acknowledge every small blessing is the place to start healing your heart.
Even an avalanche begins with a single snowflake.
Need a little more hope for making it through the holidays? Here’s a list of holiday blogs from years past:
We invite you to learn more about booking a personal session with Mollie that has the potential to ease your grieving significantly.
©Mollie Morning Star 2018 | All Rights Reserved | Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Clearing Up Stuck Souls, Ghosts...(and the rest of it.)
“I am outnumbered.”
The thought sat in my stomach as if I had swallowed a brick. Last weekend, I was standing in a popular bookstore, looking through the shelves for books about mediumship. I was on a mission to discover where people–everyday, average, bereaved people–are getting information about the afterlife.
The shelf was littered with books featuring dark covers with scary, transparent figures. Words like: ghost, demons, haunting, possession, psychic attack—everywhere.
My eyes searched for the books about Heaven.
Nearly all of them have a sky on the cover with radiant light beaming out—perhaps have you seen them? I picked a few up and flipped through them. More than one of them covered the topics of spirit release, ghost busting and negative entities.
Again, the heavy thought: “I am outnumbered. I cannot make a difference.”
Is my deceased loved one okay? Are they stuck in limbo? Did they transition to Heaven?
“I am outnumbered.”
The thought sat in my stomach as if I had swallowed a brick. Last weekend, I was standing in a popular bookstore, looking through the shelves for books about mediumship. I was on a mission to discover where people–everyday, average, bereaved people–are getting information about the afterlife.
The shelf was littered with books featuring dark covers with scary, transparent figures. Words like: ghost, demons, haunting, possession, psychic attack—everywhere.
My eyes searched for the books about Heaven. Nearly all of them have a sky on the cover with radiant light beaming out—perhaps have you seen them? I picked a few up and flipped through them. More than one of them covered the topics of spirit release, ghost busting and negative entities.
Again, the heavy thought: “I am outnumbered. I cannot make a difference.”
The evening before, near the end of a group session in Madison, Wisconsin, a young woman who sat weeping, cradled in the arms of an older woman, asked me a question. I presumed them to be mother and daughter.
“My sister had a session with a medium who told her that my grandfather couldn’t communicate because he didn’t cross over and was stuck. My grandfather was a wonderful man who believed in God and led a good life. This has been so upsetting to our family. Is my grandfather okay, and why would this happen?”
I took a deep breath and counted to five.
You see, this is something I deal with every single week. And it makes my blood boil. I am so angry and disappointed at the choices other so-called mediums are making because I am often the one cleaning up the emotional mess they create.
In another example, a widow recently requested an emergency session because she was so upset by a session with another medium. She shared with me later that she had chosen the medium based upon the criteria of an inexpensive price and availability for an in-person meeting.
When the time came for her phone session, I immediately connected with her husband who had recently passed.
The reading began with her husband communicating: “Tell her I died on the best day of my life, doing what I loved.”
“He did. He truly did,” she said.
After her successful session with me, my client went on to explain that the previous medium started the session by vocally asking permission from her 34 “Spirit Guides” to connect with my client’s deceased husband. It just got worse from there. The medium stated she couldn’t connect with the husband because he was so mad at himself. He was kicking himself for dying, and stuck.
A few years ago, I had a similar experience with a young widow, who, at the end of her extremely validating phone session said to me, “Are you absolutely sure he’s all right and doesn’t blame me for his death?”
I was shocked by the question! For the last hour I had given her validations and messages of great caring and love from her young husband who acknowledged that his choices led to his passing. He died from a disease called alcoholism. I stress that this is a disease, a valid one—and not a lifestyle choice. It starts as a choice to begin drinking, but addiction takes over.
I asked her why she would even dream of posing this question after having so many validations brought forward over the last hour.
The culprit? She had seen a medium who said her husband couldn’t communicate with her because he was tormented and blamed her for his death. She should have done more, the medium said.
She was in emotional agony. As if losing her life partner and raising their child alone wasn’t a daunting enough task, now she had to also worry about him holding a grudge in the afterlife.
Last month, a woman posted repeatedly on my Facebook page, begging me to call her. English was her second language, she didn’t have full access to the Internet and her daughter had just died. She had urgent questions. Thankfully, she happened to call my office while I was in and I was able to answer.
She told me she had been to see a medium who told her that in order to spiritually connect with her daughter she had to get rid of all her daughter's possessions, “let her go” and wait 40 days. She sobbed into the phone saying she just couldn’t bring herself to throw away her daughter’s clothing, etc.
This is INSANITY. I was so upset, I prodded for the name of the medium in Chicago so I could personally hunt her down! I cannot fathom where anyone would get this information! To throw away a beloved child’s personal belongings in order to have a reading? A mandatory waiting period? I have done successful sessions with clients HOURS after a loved one’s passing. In her agony, this bereaved mother didn’t know what to believe. How could she be burdened to sort out what is spiritually true while undergoing the absolute worst trauma of her life?
Not a week goes by without someone coming to me with emotional pain caused by a bad experience with a medium. I could go on citing examples for endless days!
What gives?! My frustration with this left me stewing about what to write for a long time. I have hesitated for the simple reason that I know my stand will be unpopular, without much peer support, and I will probably lose friends.
I know some very nice people, fellow mediums, who regularly promote their practice of spirit attachment release, ghost busting and home clearings for stuck souls. I like these people and don’t want to lose their friendship.
The time has come for me to do a clearing of my own. I can’t be quiet anymore.
It is not accurate, ethical or correct for a medium to be on both sides of the fence. You cannot say, “Your loved ones are at peace.” And then, “Except maybe those souls who got stuck when they died by suicide or trauma.”
We need a complete overhaul of these false beliefs.
First of all: Where did anyone learn that a Soul could be stuck? Was that idea taught by someone who simply shared the idea that a Soul could be stuck? How many generations of teachers perpetuate the idea of stuck Souls? Does it ever stop? Where is the proof? Where is the evidence?
Second of all: How can anyone know with exactness and authority the specific details of the afterlife? Again, where is the proof? Where is the evidence?
I have read hundreds of books about people’s individual experiences with the afterlife. Everything from dreams, experiences had while in a coma, near death experiences, back from death experiences; all of it. Many stories share similar themes, but they vary widely in the details. Even faith traditions have widely varying views of what happens after this life, and sometimes even they change their official opinions. In April of 2007, Pope Benedict XVI officially did away with the state of limbo for the Catholic Church –after 800 years of indoctrination!! Throw in the fear based drama on the Internet and social media, and it’s nearly impossible to know who or what to believe.
STOP!
Let me tell you everything I know about the afterlife: Who we are, our Soul, doesn’t die or cease communicating upon the death of the physical body.
This I can prove to you by providing verifiable details and facts received by mental telepathy from the deceased and what they see happening in your life since their death.
Honestly, that’s it. That is all I can prove.
Everything else that I can share with you is information based on my experiences within the context of a “reading” or spirit communication done for clients. If I present you with information you don’t agree with, please disregard it and use your own truth barometer to decide what works for you.
This leaves most questions open-ended and up for personal interpretation.
The question I get asked the most often is: Is my loved one at peace?
With all of the books, TV shows, websites and mediums promoting ghosts, earthbound souls, and hauntings--I get it. I deeply understand your panic and need to know if your loved one is okay. It is our human nature to care about the wellbeing of our children, spouses and friends, and when they die, and we can no longer see and speak with them to verify if they are indeed, “okay,” panic can quickly take over.
A medium seems like miracle cure for this; someone who can see and communicate with the dead. Surely, someone with this ability can assuage our pain by letting us know how the deceased loved one is doing. Right?
Well, let me tell you a little about people with spiritual abilities. I’ll start with me.
I did not request this ability. In fact, I didn’t even want it when it showed up in my life. I tried everything to get rid of it. I no more choose to be a medium than I choose to have freckles.
And neither did most other people with spiritual abilities. It happens to people in all walks of life, on every continent and with every personality type. Some people born with a spiritual ability are complete jerks. Some higher power didn’t select a chosen few to act as earth angels with spiritual abilities.
Just like some folks have light hair, some people can communicate with the dead. Just like some light-haired people will be up to no good in life, so will some people with spiritual abilities.
Anyone with an ability is given free will to use it as they choose.
And anyone seeking the assistance of a person with a spiritual ability is free to choose with whom they would like to work.
What I am hoping you will take away from this article is:
As a Spiritual practitioner the “services” you choose to offer may cause extreme, deep and lasting pain for bereaved persons if you cannot provide them with a validating connection. The only, and I mean ONLY thing you should say to a client you cannot provide healing validation to is: “I am sorry. I am unable to connect.” Accept full responsibility, and nothing less. It is honorable and ethical to be truthful and say that you cannot connect.
A medium’s inability to provide a validating connection is the fault of the medium, and not the deceased.
As a Spiritual client you are responsible for doing your research before booking a session. You must educate yourself about the differences betweens mediums and psychics; having a session by phone or in-person; and finding a medium who has garnered a reputation for healing work over a long period of time. Watching television shows is NOT educational about how mediumship works. It is entertainment, for which you pay quite dearly each month. Just look at your cable bill. If you book an appointment with a medium who also offers to “release” stuck souls, you have been forewarned that they may tell you your loved one is stuck, too.
You must accept the responsibility for doing the research to book a medium who is known for accuracy and ethics. No one will ever try to stop you from booking the psychic a friend knows, who for $65 will do a reading for you in a pub every other Thursday night. Is your pain that casual? So it can be healed in a restaurant in 5-10 minutes in front of a room full of people? Or do you need a private session focused on you alone? This is your choice.
Your healing is your responsibility.
To create a world full of ethical and responsible mediums is a battle I know I will never win. To teach every average bereaved person how to select a medium who is right for them, or better, how to connect on their own—is a mountain I cannot climb.
But, I have just made you think. And that means I may have helped one person reconsider these unhealthy beliefs. Whether you are the spiritual worker or the person seeking help, I ask you to please uphold the highest standards for healing.
Personal responsibility matters. We are all connected and the choices we make create a ripple effect of fear or love. The choice is yours.
Disclaimer: This article reflects my opinion and belief that a person who has died is "okay." My belief is a result of having the first hand experience of delivering thousands of validating, verifiable messages from a person who died. At no point, in any session, be it a private or a public group, has a deceased person reported being stuck, held back, unwell, unwilling or unable to communicate for any reason whatsoever. I have ended a few private sessions where the information received was not understood, but never a case where that was the fault of the deceased. If this belief doesn't work for you, please disregard it.
I stand firmly in the belief that it is spiritually safe to die. If I stand alone, I am okay with that.
©Mollie Morning Star 2016. Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet, provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.