Anger: The Companion to Loss
Years ago, a woman who had scheduled a private session kept telling me how mad she was at her deceased husband. I assumed the worst: he must have died in his lover's arms at casino hotel where he had squandered the entire family fortune just moments before his demise.
I was so nervous by the time of her appointment, all I could do was pray he'd offer some apology to her to try and make it right. As it turned out...
Loss creates anger; that's normal. Not dealing with it is harmful. It will rob you of peace until you do the hard work to resolve it. We have been conditioned to believe feeling angry is WRONG, which then leads to guilt issues.
Years ago, a woman who had scheduled a private session kept telling me how mad she was at her deceased husband. I assumed the worst: he must have died in his lover's arms at casino hotel where he had squandered the entire family fortune just moments before his demise.
I was so nervous by the time of her appointment, all I could do was pray he'd offer some apology to her to try and make it right. As it turned out, he had heart attack at home. He was an honest and well-loved man. He simply died. His wife was SO PISSED, so mad at God for taking him away! So furious with her husband for abandoning her! She had been raging for months. I've gone on to meet many more angry widows and bereaved parents. The anger is a normal part of the grieving process.
Is it possible for an Iris to scream?
Even after loss, it is not too late to transform anger into healing. Last week at a group reading in Madison, Wis., I connected a young woman to her father, with whom she'd had a difficult relationship. She announced to everyone, "He was an asshole." Wow! Honesty everyone else is afraid to admit, but totally understands! The father went on to apologize and explain his life, "It was all about me. My focus was on myself and my own issues. My problems had nothing to do with my children. It was my fault. I heard my kids yelling at me." She validated that he was an only child, an addict, and when the siblings cleaned out his house, tempers erupted. Of his children, she was the only one who acknowledged him. She was able to see past his issues and understand and forgive his Soul. She told me after the reading, "Before coming today, I said I would want to hear from anyone but him." She got what she needed, and importantly, so did the man in Spirit.
Why do we hang on to our anger? Because anger gives us the illusion of regaining control. It's a big adrenaline rush. In truth, being angry makes us crash even lower than where we were before, in the depths of our sadness. Yet if you acknowledge and release the anger that results from the losses in your life, it loses its control over you, allowing peaceful days back into your life, as well as deeper understanding. Counseling, exercise, meeting with friends and freak out charts are all productive ways to cope with it. And if you are kind enough to help a bereaved child, like I was, please take care to guide them with love and patience to safer ground.
This too, shall pass.
Meditation to Transform Anger
Sit quietly, with your eyes closed, breathing easy, while visualizing your anger in a box. Send that box loving feelings of deep understanding. See it surrounded by a color representing love, such as pink or white light. See it getting smaller and smaller as you keep infusing it with love and understanding why it was created. See the box get reduced in size to that of a flower seed. Take this seed and plant it in the earth and watch it grow and bloom into something beautiful, fragile and positive. Affirm, "I can transform anger into growth."
When you feel the adrenaline build up, give yourself a time out to do this quick meditation.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
The lasting effects of giving compassionate service.
A common trait in people who are thriving after a loss is their practice of compassionate service. When you have traveled down the lonely road of grief, your experience becomes the training you need to serve as a guide for others on that new journey.
A common trait in people who are thriving after a loss is their practice of compassionate service. When you have traveled down the lonely road of grief, your experience becomes the training you need to serve as a guide for others on that new journey.
Here's why compassionate service is important. When we experience a loss of a very close loved one; perhaps an aging parent we were caring for, a child who was our entire existence, or a partner we spent all of our free time with, we are left with a void of time and energy that we used to devote to them. In the past we might have been busy planning and preparing meals, but we are now sitting at a lonely table, looking at a chair only occupied by our grief.
Last week I was able to spend extended time with close friends who have lost a child. I was able to see how they still devote loving, parent energy to their child, even though he is no longer present on the physical earth. By reaching out to others, giving of time and energy to those who are newly on the path and suffering greatly, they are active parents. There is no past tense here, their job as the parents of a beloved child will never be over, regardless of whether that child is living or deceased. This brings back a memory of a private session where a man in Spirit communicated to his sister, that from his place in Heaven, he was helping inspire homeless people to better themselves. She said he always had a soft spot for the homeless and gave them money every chance he could. A perfect way to honor this brother's memory would be to give compassionate service to the homeless on a regular basis.
Everyone needs to be cared for in a way that reflects their unique needs. Here are a few suggestions:
1. First of all, ask the person, "What can I do?"
2. Intuit the situation. What does your gut say this person needs? A meal? A night out? Money? An hour of uninterrupted conversation? Sit quietly with the question of, "How can I serve?" and listen for Spirit to answer you with thoughtful inspiration.
3. Remember that grieving isn't confined to the first few months after a loss. No one ever gets over the loss of child or a beloved spouse. Instead, they find a new way to live. Even if it's been years since the transition, speaking the name of their loved one, and talking about memories is healing to those who never want their loved one to be forgotten. Sending a card or giving a small gift in memory of their loved one is deeply meaningful and appreciated.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Caring continues, even after life.
This week I had a private sitting with two sweet, energetic sisters. They had been to a group session, and felt their mom might have been trying to validate them through a reading given to the people sitting nearby, so they were open to, and eager for, the information. As I connected with their mom, she communicated to me...
This week I had a private sitting with two sweet, energetic sisters. They had been to a group session, and felt their mom might have been trying to validate them through a reading given to the people sitting nearby, so they were open to, and eager for, the information. As I connected with their mom, she communicated to me, through mental telepathy, a picture of the World Trade Center towers in New York crashing down. I received the thought from her, "I felt so bad for all those poor people. I just felt so awful." One of the daughters teared up; she had asked her mom to acknowledge it during the session. Mother and daughter had been on the phone when the towers crashed, and talked for days afterward. She said she missed those long phone calls and the sound of her mother's voice.
Near the end of the session, the mother communicated fascinating information to me that I had no way to confirm, but felt it was important to pass along. "Your mom just let me know that she was here with me this morning praying and lending her support to a young girl who passed recently by suicide. The girl's mother had a session with me, and your mom is letting me know she was sending her love to help make that connection healing for them both." Again, the sisters teared up; they could completely understand why their mother would communicate that. She had worked as a social worker and was deeply caring of anyone in a tough spot. The next day, I shared this with the young girl's mother, and she was "astounded," because her daughter had a deep appreciation for guidance counselors and social workers.
When we occupy our time here on earth working as a compassion-giver, be that in social work, nursing, pastoral care, or anything that uplifts others, this aspect of our personality is retained in the spirit realm...AND WE KEEP ON HELPING. It's always interesting to receive validation of what our loved ones are doing on the other side of life, and I have a good feeling it's not resting on a cloud, plucking a harp. They are connected to you, and are often acting as your angel, sending you their loving guidance, prayers and support.
©Mollie Morning Star 2014 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
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