To Cherish That Which Cannot Be Replaced.
Being a conduit of messages of healing and love for those who have passed on brings me back to the same emotional place, again and again, even after years of doing this work.
I usually get all broken up like this after doing many consecutive sessions with people who have lost a loved one unexpectedly or tragically. (Which is nearly everyone I work with.) This week it was triggered by a mother who lost a child she had devoted the last 10 years of her life protecting. It was followed by a question from a different mother who was deeply concerned her deceased son might...
Being a conduit of messages of healing and love for those who have passed on brings me back to the same emotional place, again and again, even after years of doing this work.
I usually get all broken up like this after doing many consecutive sessions with people who have lost a loved one unexpectedly or tragically. (Which is nearly everyone I work with.) This week it was triggered by a mother who lost a child she had devoted the last 10 years of her life protecting. It was followed by a question from a different mother who was deeply concerned her deceased son might feel she was “getting rid of him” if she scattered his ashes. Next came an evidence-packed message from a person who went missing in 2009. I don’t think I will ever get over seeing the shock on my client’s faced as they asked, “Do you think my sibling is dead?”
Deep breath. I reminded myself to breathe as I prepared to answer the question, as I do so now.
Life is about cherishing relationships. It’s the only “thing” we have that is real and lasting. And it is completely intangible: you can’t see, touch or buy it. It can only be felt, and to have that feeling of being close to another is the most precious and priceless experience we can have.
It is so easy to get caught up in our lives, perhaps the easiest misstep of all. We get ensnared into our stories and scripts: the ones we write and the ones we have starring roles in. We get obsessed over what people think of us (usually nothing, they are busy thinking of what you think of them), what real estate, car or status symbol we will get next, how we can get out of debt, or my favorite: what vacation we can take that will give us an escape from all of the above!
I am guilty. I am saddened to admit that I am speaking from experience. I too, have had extended time periods in my life where I operated solely in survival mode. I missed so many important events as a result: school plays, breakfasts together, dinner parties and I will never forget the year I missed summer. Living in Wisconsin, I can tell you, that’s tragic. I was just too busy to plant my vegetables or tend my garden.
I had a quick FaceTime chat with my sister-in-law over coffee one morning, who lost her Dad a few years ago. He was just in his early 60s when he passed unexpectedly. We concluded that the lessons of grieving are so painful and yet so important. One big lesson is to do things now. If there is anything that you want to do, need to do, should do, can do…the time for that is now.
It’s difficult to take a chance on being wrong, rejected, or failing at whatever it is that you decide you need to do, but your willingness to persist though those feelings will reward you with something much sweeter: peace. You might even qualify for the grand-prizes of lasting joy, satisfaction and fulfillment!
Listen: living life fully means taking these messages from the dead and turning them into lessons to live by.
No matter how much you’ve been hurt in the past, you still have to operate with a heart open to love.
You are going to have to fight feelings of inadequacy with positive self-talk the same way you resist urges to eat too much chocolate when you want to lose weight.
You will have to look at your schedule and your budget and make some tough decisions about what gets top-billing in your life.
I sincerely hope you choose to put people in the top spot. When it’s all said and done here on Earth, the things you take with you are the memories, the energy you invested in relationships and the love.
That beautiful home, the car you wanted so badly, and even that family ring that holds such sentimental value to you all stay here. The fame, acceptance and popularity you strived for mean very little in the afterlife when the playing field is leveled to a place where everyone is an incredible being of light.
The deceased communicate to help us live better in the here-and-now. The key to arriving at that place satisfied with the way you lived your life is to make choices now that create relationships filled with giving and receiving unconditional love.
And now I am back to where I was yesterday during that reading with a mother who recently lost her adult son.
“He shows himself standing next to you. I can feel the emotional closeness. His head is held high–he communicates that he received unconditional love from you and his father. He wants to thank you for this. It’s the greatest gift he ever received.”
He died of an overdose. He was, and still is, so very loved.
Don’t wait. Open your heart and push the edge of possibility right now!
©Mollie Morning Star 2016. Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet, provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Overcoming Regrets
Dealing with personal regret after the passing of a loved one can sometimes cause crippling emotional pain. We all deal with self doubt, but a deep loss can take our minds into an abyss of despair as we question every action we took (or didn’t take) on behalf of the deceased. This is a common theme in the emails and private sessions I conduct with clients. But here is what I want you to know: Your deceased loved ones want to help you move past your pain.
Dealing with personal regret after the passing of a loved one can sometimes cause crippling emotional pain. We all deal with self doubt, but a deep loss can take our minds into an abyss of despair as we question every action we took (or didn’t take) on behalf of the deceased. This is a common theme in the emails and private sessions I conduct with clients. But here is what I want you to know: Your deceased loved ones want to help you move past your pain.
Regret is a tricky beast. It’ll make you feel like you missed your one and only chance to clear up misunderstandings and disagreements with your loved one. Since you didn’t act when the person was alive, you won’t ever be able to right the wrong now. Neither will you be able to forgive yourself. Even after you think you’ve kicked that son-of-a-gun regret to the door, it can resurface at inconvenient times.
Here’s a little sampling of emails I’ve received about regret.
“How do I know he's happy with me, that I didn't let him down?”
“ . . . It doesn't help with the questions, doubts and regrets that I still have.”
“ . . . It’s the first thing I think of when I wake . . . and before I fall asleep. I’m asking for any help to release the pain & regret I have before my mother eventually succumbed to her injuries.”
“ . . . I still don't know if I did all the right things with her . . . I'm just so messed up.”
While your regret may feel intensely personal, I am here to assure that you are not alone. Feelings of regret, to some degree, nearly always accompany grief.
Many regrets fall into what I consider a run-of-the-mill category:
- Is my loved one angry that I was not by his side in his dying moment?
- Did I make the right choice for her funeral services and remains?
- Is he upset that I sold the house, property, car, or personal belongings?
- Did I make the right choices regarding her health care?
There are two big points to make here: One, these feelings are completely normal. Two—and this is what I most want you to understand—forgiving yourself is essential to your healing.
When you are devastated by the loss of a child, spouse, or other loved one, it is so difficult to see through the pain to the simple, eternal truth. But it is the truth, and in time it will set you free from the pain of regret.
This eternal truth is a very simple principal that manifests itself in every afterlife connection I make. It boils down to this: Everything that is important to your loved ones goes with them into the afterlife.
That means they take with them all of the love, relationships, memories, feelings and emotional connections they made here on Earth.
It also means they discard upon their passing the things they have no use for any longer, including their human remains, property, cars, collections, clothing and a million other possessions and attachments. Whatever choices you make regarding “stuff” should really be done for the comfort of those who are left behind. I feel very confident in saying your loved ones don’t care about these things, beyond the way they affect your well-being. It is natural for us to feel sentimental about the things they used and loved. But the attachment to them stops here on Earth.
What we gain upon entry to the Spirit world is enlightenment and freedom. We are freed from the “stuff” and—this is critical to understand—we are also freed from the emotional pains we carried here. We see how everything weaves together as lessons in our Soul’s journey, and we are able to observe our lives without harsh judgment. Even the relationships that ended badly or caused us pain are released in our enlightened state.
This is what all of the Souls wish to communicate with their loved ones through me—it’s universal and unfailing. We are free as we return to the world of Spirit. It’s an amazing feeling!
The most helpful tips I share with clients to help them move through regret are these:
Write a Letter – It is not to late for you to communicate your feelings. Write your loved one a letter to let him know your feelings. Set the letter aside for a day, and in your mind and heart ask that person to receive your words. Once that is finished, I like to create a small ceremony and burn the letter. It is done. The issues are resolved.
Practice Self Forgiveness – If you are reading this blog, there is a good chance you are not a horrific human being. You obviously care about your own healing and about the people you love who have passed on. When your loved one was alive, and you had the opportunity to speak with her, or care for her through acts of kindness and compassion, you did what you could.
In short, you were operating from the highest level of knowledge and spiritual practice you had at that time. As a mother, I can look back at choices I made 20 years ago when I had young children and wish I had done some things differently. But I was doing my imperfect best. Heck—treat yourself to a look back to the 1950’s, when the entire cast of “I Love Lucy” was smoking on screen! It was a fashionable thing to do. We all evolve over time. Forgive yourself. No one can do anything better than she can do in any moment.
Learn From the Past — Your regret can also serve as a catalyst for change. If something is making you feel bad, maybe it’s a lesson for you to make sure that situation doesn’t repeat itself. We live and learn. No punishment is needed, just the lesson.
It’s worth adding that if you have suffered through extreme abuse, infidelity or addiction issues, you may benefit most by seeing a mental health professional.
If your regret is holding you hostage, please know that Souls who have transitioned into Spirit do not hold grudges—even if they did while here on Earth. They are within the light, and they now have the perspective of eternal lessons. Their greatest wish is for you to release the heavy weight of regret and move forward as a more evolved and compassionate person.
©Mollie Morning Star 2016. Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet, provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Are you Ready to Receive?
One of the most profound lessons I have learned working with the Souls in the hereafter is that the true gift of our human lives is finding love and joy in the present moment, while looking forward with hope.
We cannot escape loss and hardship while on this Earthly journey, but somehow adversity is followed by opportunity.
Looking forward with hope is a great challenge after a deep loss. Losses can take many forms in the passing of a loved one, a job, a relationship
Happy New Year, Friends!
Are you glad the holidays are over? At the risk of sounding like the Grinch: I for one, am! The idea of getting up and being greeted by the opportunity to return to work tomorrow morning is incredibly appealing to me. I’ve always been a morning person and I love Mondays. Call me crazy, but I get high on the feeling of fresh opportunity calling out to me.
As I went around the house tidying up the last of the holiday decorations today, my optimism for 2016 began to grow. Cleaning up helps me see the space where something creative can take place.
There’s literal room to move. (Have you ever try hula-hooping with a Christmas tree in your living room?)
There’s space for everything to breathe. I imagine my orchid enjoys oxygen as much as I delight in inhaling the winter air for a deeply clearing breath.
The energy of my home is infused with this positive vibe of anything can happen.
One of the most profound lessons I have learned working with the Souls in the hereafter is that the true gift of our human lives is finding love and joy in the present moment, while looking forward with hope.
We cannot escape loss and hardship while on this Earthly journey, but somehow adversity is followed by opportunity.
Looking forward with hope is a great challenge after a deep loss. Loss can take many forms: the passing of a loved one, a lost job, a broken relationship or a health problem. It takes courage, and often a commitment to persist under duress, to take even small steps forward. But when you do, you are showing the Universe (and yourself) that you are ready to receive.
–Ready to receive a friendship that lifts you out of a fog of loneliness.
–Ready to accept that career that fills your Soul with purpose.
–Ready to embrace peace as you come to terms with your own mortality.
Our ability and willingness to receive love, care, help, comfort, affection, compassion, friendship, healing and all good things will greatly affect our overall happiness.
Often times our past experiences determine what we expect or think we deserve in the future. If we’ve been betrayed in a relationship, we live in fear of it happening again. If you have a child who died in a car accident, it’s hard to watch your living children leave the house with the keys in their hand and not feel a twinge of panic.
As you wake up on Monday morning, January 4, 2016, try your best to welcome new experiences into your life. Be ready to receive. Be open to possibility. Don’t limit yourself in thinking that you’ll only ever be as happy as you were in a past situation. You do not know that for certain! I have seen a lot of people make amazing lives for themselves after a great loss, whatever that loss may have been.
Be hopeful. Be of good cheer. Take a step forward to show life that you are ready to receive experiences that make you happy, to the point of overflowing.
Wishing you all the peace, love, and joy that you can stand to receive in 2016!
©Mollie Morning Star 2016. Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet, provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Advice from Grandma
Like it or not, the holidays are upon us! With a few days off this past weekend, I was able to spend time catching up with friends. There was a recurring theme of “holiday unrest” with many of my favorite people this year: families fighting over meaningless things, choosing to sit around and drink instead of help with dishes, and bringing up memories from 20 years ago that definitely should have been left alone. You know, the kind of family that puts the “fun" in dysfunction!
Like it or not, the holidays are upon us! With a few days off this past weekend, I was able to spend time catching up with friends. There was a recurring theme of “holiday unrest” with many of my favorite people this year: families fighting over meaningless things, choosing to sit around and drink instead of help with dishes, and bringing up memories from 20 years ago that definitely should have been left alone. You know, the kind of family that puts the “fun" in dysfunction!
My Thanksgiving was really a good one. Both of my children were home from college, and we were invited to spend the day with wonderful friends. We played charades with a new iPad app, feasted on a traditional meal and cuddled up by the fireplace. I’m not trying to rub it in, but it was pretty ideal. My favorite part of the day happened after dinner. (No, it wasn’t dessert!) There were so many people in the kitchen helping clean up that Grandma and I decided to stay out of the way and have a chat.
My friend’s mom, who we all call Grandma C, is a cherished lady. It is obvious how much her family loves her. She is a lovely Irish widow who has more children than I have shoes and lives in Minnesota. I know that someone who has faced the challenges of harsh winters and many mouths to feed has gleaned some wisdom along the way. I was eager to find out how she managed to raise such a loving family.
I asked her, “What would you say is one of the most important things you’ve learned in your 80 years?” She thought for just a few seconds and replied, “To zip your lips!” and mimicked the motion across her mouth.
I was surprised! I was thinking she was going dispense wisdom that was spiritual or a bit holy.
“My mother told me that, too. Some things just do not need to be said.” Grandma C added.
As we continued to chat, I began to understand the wisdom in what she advised and how it correlated to what was happening during our Thanksgiving together. These people were nice to each other—genuinely so. They had not grown up with constant criticism, so they refrained from criticizing others.
After speaking with my friends, and remembering some of my own holiday horror stories, I thought my conversation with Grandma C was worth sharing with you. Also, I wrote a blog last year on a similar topic, “The Criticism Cure.” (just click through to read it). It received a lot of response and may be helpful if you’d like to build a more positive attitude toward your loved ones, and life.
So if you want to have a happy family in the long run, think about zipping your lips in the short run.
Thanks, Grandma C!
©Mollie Morning Star 2015Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
How Can I Alleviate the Suffering of a World in Crisis?
I went to bed feeling heavy-hearted last night. Everywhere I turn messages of unrest, poverty and suffering are being shared. They are true reports, and as just one person, I feel a bit helpless in making a difference.
I saw this deeply moving photo journal of where children refugees are sleeping and it made me ache. (http://www.cnn.com/…/cnnphotos-syrian-children-refugees-sl…/) It reminded me of a book I read a few months ago called, "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah. The story profiles some of the suffering that the women and children in Europe experienced during World War Two. The refugee crisis we are facing now is not so different from the horrors Jewish children experienced during the Holocaust.
I went to bed feeling heavy-hearted last night. Everywhere I turn messages of unrest, poverty and suffering are being shared. They are true reports, and as just one person, I feel a bit helpless in making a difference.
I saw this deeply moving photo journal of where children refugees are sleeping and it made me ache. (http://www.cnn.com/…/cnnphotos-syrian-children-refugees-sl…/) It reminded me of a book I read a few months ago called, "The Nightingale" by Kristin Hannah. The story profiles some of the suffering that the women and children in Europe experienced during World War Two. The refugee crisis we are facing now is not so different from the horrors Jewish children experienced during the Holocaust.
Avoiding the media helps in the way of that old saying, "Ignorance is bliss." If you don't know, you can't suffer along. But the suffering is still there. And ignorance is just that: ignorance.
I'm not here to push my own opinions of politics, refugees, immigration, or terrorism but to simply ask you to think a little. We live a wildly abundant life, if you are reading this, there is a good chance you are doing so from the comfort of a warm home and have a meal to look forward to. Yet, how we stress ourselves with how we can get more, maintain our status quo or advance our security. Survival is important, but at what point do we have enough?
With the holidays upon us here in the US, I'm urging everyone to look for places that kindness in all it's forms, acts both great and small, could alleviate suffering.
It's wonderful to perform random acts of kindness, like paying for the coffee of a person in line behind you. However, the person in line probably has enough abundance to cover their own coffee since they are standing there, ready to order. That doesn't alleviate suffering.
A few weeks ago, I was in New York City enjoying a wonderful dinner that was way too much food for me. I asked the waiter to box half of it up, and put it in a bag with forks and napkins. He replied that they didn't have any disposable forks, and I just looked it him and said, "Please. It needs to be ready to eat."
As I walked to my next destination, I looked for someone who needed a meal. There were plenty of choices. I saw a person huddled under a blanket in a doorway, trying to escape the driving rain. I tapped them on the shoulder and asked, "Are you hungry?" A woman holding a dog in her arms emerged from under the blanket, dirty, obviously tired, but clear-eyed and said, "Yes."
I handed her the bag, and said, "Enjoy this, it's still warm and delicious." She smiled and said thank you, and I carried on my way. I had to fight tears, it was so painful to be "with" her in a moment of kinship---to feel just a portion of her suffering, knowing I was on my way to a show and enjoying life to the fullest.
I did this small act in honor of my old and dear friend, author Jan DeBlieu. Her only child, Reid, passed away, after which Jan set out on a mission to help humanity through Seva---selfless service. Jan is my editor now, helping with my blogs and assisting me with my upcoming book. Reid's loving Spirit is helping humanity through Jan, inspiring others to look for places where connection, compassion and love can alleviate suffering.
There are so many ways to alleviate suffering, on large global scale, and on a city street. No kindness is too small.
As we all face the news of the day, highlighting unrest and crisis, strive to be compassionate and peaceful in every dealing you have. Tolerance, selflessness, empathy need to replace our self-absorption as a society. How do your problems and stresses stack up to the ones faced by the children refugees sleeping in a ditch? Keep yourself alert to where you can be of use.
I'm praying for peace, and committed to be peaceful.
*Note, this an unedited blog taken from a Facebook post dated Nov 19th. Find it here: https://www.facebook.com/psychicmediummolliemorningstar/posts/10153803973829446:0)
Two days later, on November 21st a student at a workshop I was teaching in Chicago gave me a validating message from Jan's son, Reid! How wonderful was it to receive that confirmation if his love.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Is Disclosing the Truth About a Loved One's Death Important?
While I was in Manchester, NH for a group reading, I received a message for bereaved parents Jon and Lois Kesty.
It went something like this:
I began to sense a young woman with me who indicated that she passed of an overdose. One of her messages was that her parents were using their voices to communicate help and hope to others.
Jon and Lois raised their hands, and said they recognized this communicator as their daughter, Sumner. I wouldn’t find out just how much good they are doing until after the group, when we sat down to talk.
While I was in Manchester, NH for a group reading, I received a message for bereaved parents Jon and Lois Kesty.
It went something like this:
I began to sense a young woman with me who indicated that she passed of an overdose. One of her messages was that her parents were using their voices to communicate help and hope to others.
Jon and Lois raised their hands, and said they recognized this communicator as their daughter, Sumner. I wouldn’t find out just how much good they are doing until after the group, when we sat down to talk.
Jon is working with an organization called Hope for New Hampshire Recovery. (http://www.hopefornhrecovery.org/) It's dedicated to supporting those who are in recovery from substance abuse.
The Kestys hope other parents never have to experience this deep loss. But, Jon added, "Sumner died of a heroin overdose and no one will be helped by covering that up." Trying to hide the circumstances of her death would not have fit with their value system or their desire to help others.
I so admire their strength, and their conviction to stand in the power of the truth.
The Kesty's in New Hampshire.
Over the years I have met with many families who are struggling to decide whether to disclose that a loved one died by suicide, overdose, or other circumstances that might be harshly judged. As it turns out, this has touched me personally.
Very recently a family member told me that my brother, who died 20 years ago, called and confessed that he was gay and had AIDS before his passing. This added more confusion to an already sad situation. Because my brother’s father and our mother were divorced (on bad terms), our side of the family was not informed that my brother had died until months later. We didn't even know he was ill.
I’d had no idea. The letter we received stated that he died from complications of severe diabetes and had contracted Hepatitis C. I've met his girlfriends, so the fact that he was gay was another surprise to me.
Where does that leave me today? Well, I wish I had known my brother better while he was here in this life. I'm certainly not tormented by his sexual orientation or cause of death, as I have regular messages from him. I know he is still with me. Neither fact changes my opinion of him. I am just sad that he wasn't comfortable enough to disclose it to everyone.
If you are in the unfortunate position of trying to decide if telling the complete truth is necessary, consider who might be helped by the disclosure.
Yesterday morning, a client shared some absolutely stunning news with me. During her connection (with her deceased mother) I was given a name to share. The client validated that the name was that of her birth father, with whom she had been reunited since our last session a few years ago. She continued to tell me that previously, I had also given her this mans name, along with the age of 76. After the initial session she wasted no time in conducting a search for him. When she found him, on the other side of the US, they connected and underwent paternity testing, which was positive. She has now established a fulfilling relationship with him. Through her deceased mother’s communication, this client received the name and age of her birth father which enabled them to meet. These results are completely extraordinary. I am still in absolute shock.
But what really got me was when she said this, “I am on a mission to uncover the truth. My whole life was spent lying, and no matter what it is, I want the truth now.” I had already written this blog post, but knew I had to add her story before sharing my this topic.
I also offer this: there is an incredible amount of love available when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and real. We connect to each other through our compassion and willingness to try understanding each another. When we cover things up and pretend we live a neat, tidy, picture-perfect life, it’s difficult for us to develop deep connections with anyone.
Real life is sloppy. It involves hard work at times. If you see someone living the picture-perfect life, you may just be witnessing the facade they have erected from fear—fear of letting their real selves be seen by the world.
Whatever you choose to do, follow the nudges of your heart.
Update: June 4, 2016 Update June 4, 2016: The autopsy results are in: Prince died from an accidental over dose of Fentanyl. Why is this important? Because opiate addictions are killing people at an unprecedented rate. New England is suffering the worst with a 40% increase in treatment for opiate overdose in Vermont in just ONE year. This is a must see article and video: Heroin in New England, More Abundant and Deadly
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.