Making Room for Reality
This week, millions of families all across America will be sitting down to share a meal with people they cherish. At nearly every table there will be turkey, pumpkin pie and a side dish of sadness. Almost every home will be missing something, or rather, someone.
I think of my own brother, on this 23rd Thanksgiving without him. I think of the hundreds of families I have worked with this year. The family who lost their brother to a heart attack, and then had their living brother diagnosed with cancer. I think of the family who lost their precious four-year old…
This week, millions of families all across America will be sitting down to share a meal with people they cherish. At nearly every table there will be turkey, pumpkin pie and a side dish of sadness. Almost every home will be missing something, or rather, someone.
I think of my own brother, on this 23rd Thanksgiving without him. I think of the hundreds of families I have worked with this year. The family who lost their brother to a heart attack, and then had their living brother diagnosed with cancer. I think of the family who lost their precious four-year old daughter to illness. I think of the parents whose son was murdered by his friend. I think of my young friend who had a brain tumor removed on Tuesday. With all these sad occurrences, I don’t know how any of us can even find the appetite to eat. It seems a harsh reality when your happiness has been so challenged.
As the years go by and we grow older, our lives become richer in meaningful experiences that encompass the entirety of our lives: joy and loss.
Some of us at the Thanksgiving table may have suffered terrible losses in the past year. How can we find room for thanks in our hearts? Others of us may be seated alongside someone who’s grieving and not know how to act.
What can we do? We can draw support from each other by looking for hope in those around us.
One of life’s greatest hope-givers is the innocence of young children who can still experience unbridled joy without realizing that what goes up, must come down. One day this summer I was sitting in my dining room working on my computer when I heard the familiar voice of the little girl who lives down the street wafting in through the open windows. “Hi Mollie! Hi Mollie!” she called out. As I looked up, I saw her cruising by my house on her bike. Dear Charlotte yelled hello to me every time she passed my house, whether there was any chance of me hearing her or not. Trust me, when I did hear her, my heart overflowed.
Children hold so much space for connection, and we need to truly appreciate that when life seems bleak. They forgive quickly and ask for love when they need it. Why don’t we? We hold onto past grievances like trophies and quietly wish that someone will notice our loneliness.
As we face the realities of life, including tremendous losses, we need to remember that it is possible to hold space for both joy and sadness. They can share the same table, and in an authentic world, they always would.
Holding space for sadness at the holidays doesn’t come naturally to everyone. But it is a loving choice you can make to show compassion and empathy for those you care about.
When you hold space for reality, you meet people where they are, rather than asking them to change for you.
On holidays when I am sad or grieving, I try always to remember this: What a gift it is to have time in the company of people I care for. This is the thought I try to hold on to. Being around children especially helps me appreciate that gift.
For those of us who haven’t suffered loss, and who have lots to be thankful for this year:
-Let the newly bereaved cry without making them feel like they need to leave the room. They are grateful today, too, and have counted every blessing hundreds of times. But their hearts are crushed.
-You don’t need to fix anything or cheer anyone up. The death of a beloved spouse, or a parent, or a child cannot be fixed. Connection is more valuable than cheerfulness. Meeting people where they are means connecting with them so they don’t feel isolated. Try saying something like, “I know this day is so hard without Michael here.”
-And most important: SAY THE NAME of the person who has passed. SAY THEIR NAME. SAY THEIR NAME! There is nothing that comforts the bereaved more than knowing their loved one is remembered on holidays when every family member should be present.
“I remember when Hannah ate the entire can of whipped cream on her pumpkin pie.”
“Theresa loved hosting Thanksgiving so much, it was her favorite holiday.”
“ I wish Paul was with us today.”
Hold space at the holidays for reality, knowing that a meaningful life encompasses both joy and sorrow. Gratefulness is hard to feel during times of deep grief, but making a choice to acknowledge every small blessing is the place to start healing your heart.
Even an avalanche begins with a single snowflake.
Need a little more hope for making it through the holidays? Here’s a list of holiday blogs from years past:
We invite you to learn more about booking a personal session with Mollie that has the potential to ease your grieving significantly.
©Mollie Morning Star 2018 | All Rights Reserved | Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Which loved one is sending me a sign?
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers a question from a viewer with multiple loved ones in Spirit. She is wondering how to tell which one is sending her a sign. Mollie shares an endearing, personal story of how she overlooked a very specific sign from her brother who passed away 20 years ago. She also discusses the higher purpose of signs and how you can also send them to a loved one.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers a question from a viewer with multiple loved ones in Spirit. She is wondering how to tell which one is sending her a sign. Mollie shares a personal story of how she overlooked a very specific sign from her brother who passed away 20 years ago. She also discusses the higher purpose of signs and how you can also send them to a loved one.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
Quieting the Peanut Gallery
Back when my children were young, to try and save myself some embarrassment whenever we dined at friends’ homes, I taught them they could use one of two answers if asked if they liked the food: “Yes! Thanks for cooking!” or “It’s interesting. Thanks for cooking!” Blurting out “It’s horrible!” wasn’t helpful or kind. A meal is a gift, not a place to inject negative opinions.
Back when my children were young, to try and save myself some embarrassment whenever we dined at friends’ homes, I taught them they could use one of two answers if asked if they liked the food: “Yes! Thanks for cooking!” or “It’s interesting. Thanks for cooking!” Blurting out “It’s horrible!” wasn’t helpful or kind. A meal is a gift, not a place to inject negative opinions.
Well, it’s been an “interesting” week for me. Like anyone else who is coping with the human condition 100% of the time, I can handle most stresses if they come at me one by one. But when stress comes slapping in from every angle, it’s time to stop and regroup before I reach the breakdown point. That’s the “interesting” meal the Universe cooked up for me this week. Family, work, health, and tax day…one big, simmering pot of chaos.
When I logged online, I found a nastier-than-usual dose of comments from the Peanut Gallery called Facebook. I’m not going to share the details of what I regularly receive, but it goes way beyond, “This is devil’s work!” But alas, it’s Facebook, and lots of people spew their hate in 30 seconds and move on. Then there’s the Peanut Gallery called my Inbox: I’m amazed when people take the time to email me nasty comments or even “helpful” suggestions that aren’t helpful at all. All of this adds up to a lot of chatter in my head. Not the dead people this time—just me, The Peanut Gallery of Mollie, chiding myself and sinking deeper into the problem instead of the solution.
I was so stressed out I couldn’t sleep—which is one trouble I never have. Being a traveler, I’ve learned to sleep wherever I am. I gave in at 3 a.m. and decided to have a cup of tea. As I sat there sipping, I tried to dream up logical answers for each situation, and I just couldn’t. So instead I prayed and asked for angelic help, for Spirit, for God, for my dead brother—-anything, anyone who could show me the path to serenity.
The angels didn’t manifest. There was no sudden miracle. Geez, I couldn’t even get my brother to make a light to flicker to show his presence. I felt lost, except for one small thought that popped into my head.
The chaos would keep cranking up until I changed course.
I knew it was true. Change is the only way out of an issue. Either the issue changes, or you change yourself.
I realized my work schedule needed a major overhaul—and how disappointing that would be for some people. I realized that my injured back needs to be babied for the next few weeks. Lots of inconvenience there! The other situations lay outside of me. I could only change my reaction to them.
I gave thanks to the stress for showing me the areas I need to work on. I also gave thanks to the Universe, or God, for giving me this lesson in a compassionate way. I’m in a challenging situation that I can’t transform quickly. But even on a lousy day there is always a “best case scenario” that can happen within the framework that exists. I crawled back into bed and got up two hours later, still exhausted and with a migraine. That’s when grace started unfurling on my behalf, and I saw the best case scenario playing out right before my eyes.
During an early morning work meeting, I was encouraged to stay strong and reminded that, “It’s darkest before the dawn.”
A good friend with whom I haven’t spoken in months sent me this text out of the blue: “Don’t worry. It will all be all right.” You’ve got to be kidding! His Soul was picking up my spiritual SOS. Trusting his intuition, he responded to my energetic plea for help.
And while the troublesome situations sat and simmered unchanged, I checked out of life for three hours to receive the gift of a massage and water therapy for my back at a beautiful spa. The gift was given by someone who loves me and wants me to be able to work pain-free. I protested when it was offered, thinking it was just too much to accept. But then I realized it was the Universe conspiring to help me. As I relaxed into the hot water, I told the Peanut Gallery of Mollie it had two choices: shut up or give thanks. So, for the next three hours, I silently expressed gratitude for everything and focused on my trusty affirmation of many years, “ I am healthy, happy, whole, well, loved and abundant.”
In the massage room there was a small card waiting for me with a picture of a flowing stream and a quote.
“Hardships often prepare people for an extraordinary destiny.” --C.S. Lewis
“Go with the flow,” I thought, looking at the picture of the stream. That’s when I thought of you. The thousands of people who look to me to be a light seen from the depths of their grief. The extraordinary, everyday people I meet who are living through the hell of loss, and who can’t change a damn thing about their situations.
I walked out of the spa feeling much better. Nothing had actually changed. I still have schedule, family, health and tax-day stresses to confront. But now I’m sure I can handle them, especially knowing that I have coworkers, friends, strangers and even a Higher Power willing to encourage, comfort and inspire me along the way.
Perhaps you need to give your Peanut Gallery an ultimatum, too. Taking a break, even a few hours, from situations you cannot change and infusing your being with gratitude can help get you through the day more peacefully. Prayers are often answered by our friends. Accept the Divine’s response to your requests through the people directed into your life. Just say “Yes!” And don’t forget to add a heartfelt “Thank you!”
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Addressing the Myths of Suicide.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers questions from a bereaved woman who has experienced phenomena in her home after her fiancee's suicide. Mollie shares her knowledge and puts to rest some of the myths associated about what happens to a soul who completes suicide. The blog wraps up with recommended resources for those who are rebuilding their lives after this type of loss.
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers questions from a bereaved woman who has experienced phenomena in her home after her fiancee's suicide. Mollie shares her knowledge and puts to rest some of the myths about what happens to a soul who completes suicide. The blog wraps up with recommended resources for those who are rebuilding their lives after this type of loss. The Alliance of Hope can be found at www.allianceofhope.org Click HERE to visit their website.
You should also read this article from 2014: Opening Up About Suicide
We'd love for you to submit a question for the next video blog! Please use the form found HERE.
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.
VIDEO BLOG: Receiving Communications and Signs from a Child in Spirit
Evidential Psychic Medium, Mollie Morning Star, answers questions from two bereaved mothers about afterlife connections with their daughters. One passed two weeks ago, the other, two years ago. Mollie gives both mothers helpful information on what type of communication to expect as the years pass. People often look for the same "signs" and yet, as they become more spiritually aware, the signs and communication change. The blog wraps up with 3 recommended blog articles from 2014 to help them learn more about recognizing the spiritual connection.
Today I am answering questions from two bereaved mothers about afterlife connections with their daughters. One passed two weeks ago, the other, two years ago. I give both mothers helpful information on what type of communication to expect as the years pass. People often look for the same "signs" and yet, as they become more spiritually aware, the signs and communication change. The blog wraps up with 3 recommended blog articles from 2014 to help them learn more about recognizing the spiritual connection.
You'll want to read these three blog posts from last year:
©Mollie Morning Star 2015 Short excerpts of this article may be shared on the internet provided a live link back to this original source is used. Reproduction in print is prohibited.